i'm sorry i have neglected you so...

hey blog! so i'm at the good ol' yale...chillin like a villain. i got back from Harvest today, and i shall elaborate on that a little later (if you get my drift).

and yet, as if i had not done so before, i must show off the luxury i am living here at Yale.

i was just so lucky to have been placed in the Vanderbilt Suite of Vandebilt Hall. the Suite is reserved for Vandy-bloods, but there weren't any matriculants this year.

lemme be real.

the common room, which is decked out with a hardwood floor and tiffany style hanging lamp, is 26 by 16 feet.

our bedroom is 7 by 14 feet, including a walk in closet. the common room has a balcony over looking old campus, and right below our floor is a tunnel from one side of old campus to another. from my bedroom window, i can look at the city street.

wow. i don't believe.

everyone must come visit...and by come, i mean cum.

Lil E is back, and here goes nothin.....

well well well where do i begin? ive been in the windy city since last wednesday. so far it has only been "windy" at night. a few times. the rest of the time it has been unbearably hot and muggy. and one thing good ole North Park dorms lacks is a little thing that we in Ca$hville like to call "air conditioning". i purchased a few fans as soon as i learned of this fun, new detail. we bought a mini fridge today which i was highly stoked about b/c now we can actually drink COLD water when we enter our despicably hot room. *home sweeeeeeeeeeet(ie) home*, i tell ya. an upperclassman sold us the fridge for a good 25 smackeroos. we asked him to "deliver" it bc we are cool like that. and he did. he carried it right into our elevator for us; and after he had snagged his cash he informed us that the fridge was "dirty, i mean really dirty inside. youll have to clean it." how special and neat. we found some spots of mold on the inside of the door but it was nothing a few clorox wipes and some good ole fashion elbow grease woudnt fix. i proceeded to collapse onto my bed and take a snooze and i had planned on getting up and going shopping with my roomate and some other people in a few hours. i mustve dozed off into a fairly deep slumber, and i was awakened by 2 pillows being thrown at my head. "cool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" you might say?? same here. my roomate must think thats a great and exciting way to wake sleeping beaties such as myself up. boy oh boy was she ever wrong. i pimpsmacked that hoe, pinned her to the floor and repeatedly screamed: "WHOS YOUR DADDY!?!!?!?!?!?!" until she begged and pleaded for mercy. actually i just turned and looked at her rather perplexed when she told me it was "time to get up and go". we thought it a better idea for me to just go back to sleep. so i did, and she went on without me. yesterday a girl on my floor was regaling us with stories about her friend who has nudist parents, and how they just sit/walk/DANCE around the house buttnaked. shes from california. "oh." speaking of places where people are from, practically every person i have met thus far is from minnesota or washington state. today i came across a few peers who were born and raised in South Dakota. i told them it was a sad day for me b/c i could no longer tell myself that South Dakota was one of "those" states that just didnt really exist, especially since i had never met anyone from there. *ya win some ya lose some* *some guys have all the luck* okay i really must stop now with all of these shenanigans. among other things, its time for Mandy SmithField to listen up: at lunch today, some people and i were discussing the different classes/foreign languages we had taken in high school and i said i had taken latin, and another kid said he had to. it was then that we took a journey back to yesteryear and had a moment of silence for marcus, sextus, cornelia, aurelia, davus, geta, and "the gang". one of my favorite memories was that one blasted time that sextus was "annoying cornelia with his foot." sheweeee. those were the days. i still cry about that night that davus passed away. *sobs* heres an interesting fact: 75% of the freshman class at my school is female. (just some food for thought)
being in chicago kicks very much A. our campus is beautiful, and we have a really tight view out my dorm window. it overlooks a river/bunch of trees and all that kinda jazz. good stuff. tonight we had the first service of the year. its every sunday night in the chapel and its called "college life". its an optional thing but most ppl go, it was really awesome. the worship was wickedsick as was the speaker. he told many a joke about his college days. tomorrow is the first day of classes, so i should scadaddle off to bed pretty soon. 1-2-you know what to do-DONT JUST STAND THERE, BUST A MOVE! we went out on a "boat dance" the other night on lake michigan and it was pretty cool. on that note. you all shall hear from me at another point in time. im foreva reppin the dirty south up here. its been real. ~goodniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight

*holla from Chitown*

yellllllllllllllllllllow there friends. Lil E in the hizzy. let me just say that an update is on the way...

buenos dias/noches

hey! well, i'm sittin here at home, talking to one of my suitemates.

ms. boone left a while ago. she and my mom was to form a "YA YA sisterhood", because they get along so well.

i'm going to my God mother's house for meatloaf- i'm SOO excited!!

i'll write more later.

hopefully lil E shall post.
we can only hope.

Fih~~~~~~~-nished!

all done packing...well, mostly done. i have to pack for harvest tomorrow. its already 5:30 am and i gotta wake up early!!

all the flies in the house are dead. i think they came from the mouse trap my dad set...since he forgot that he had set the trap, i think the flies got a tasty meal out of that mouse. EEEWWWW! don't get scared. my house isn't that, in the words of Leah from the Real World 13, "re-puhhhl-sive"...but hey~ shit happens and little critters die. i sprayed Raid all in the flie-hot-spots, such as the light at the top of the ceiling, and the windows.

its a glorious, even precious, moment when you spray the Raid on the flies. they get hit, and begin to wig out like Courtney Love on cocaine. they fly around like psycho-nose-diving-planes and land on the ground and spin in little mini-circles on their backs making "buzzing" noises until they eventually die.

stupid shits. flies all deserve to die. the raid messes with their nervous system.

i hope my twitches don't come from using that Raid stuff...*twitches left eye*

you could tell that the flies were young because they were stupid. like i would hold the fly-swatter right next to them, and they wouldn't move. ever notice how the larger (most pregnant momma flies) are really on-point and are hard to kill? well, if you haven't noticed, they are very hard to kill. they never stay in one place for very long, and always land on odd shaped objects. i hope you will never have to encounter one in your life. they are second to the devil.

WEIRD THOUGHT: okay, i was thinking. flies are really hard to swat. when you swing at them in the air, 90% of the time, you miss. so, i happened to wonder: do flies live in a different dimension where time is slower? i got to thinking...and it made sense. i mean, flies live only 7 days...and humans live around 7 decades (that is, unless, you saw "the ring"...then, you only have 7 days from the day you saw the movie). so if we live that many times longer than flies, maybe a flies time moves that many times faster...hmm...and then when in our dimension, we are swatting the fly...in their dimension, all they see is a really slow moving body trying to attack them...very "the matrix"-esque, if you know what i mean.

ok. done thinking. i'm stupid. sorry for wasting your time.

*farts and goes to sleep*

wompabaloobam-- A WOMBAMBOOM!

so. i'm packing. not fudge packing (not now of course), just plain ol' innocent packing. ugh.

i already have three big boxes.

one box is full of shirts.
one box is full of pants.
one box is full of jackets/scarves.

i STILL have to pack underwear (including see-thru camisoles, crotchless thongs, and those panties with the little condom cases in them).
i STILL have to pack shoes.
i STILL have to pack...um...EVERYTHING ELSE.

i didn't know clothes would be such a bitch...and take up so much damn space.

tomorrow, the wang (aka mother) and i are going to the Flea Market...and then Ms. Boone is coming over for lunch. for dinner, i get to go to my Godmother's house for MEATLOAF!! i'm SOO excited! i have used other people my entire life to try and mimic the meatloaf made by my godmother. i hope its as yummy, and fattening, as i remember!

everyone is gone! well, most everyone is. Bapple actually left, along with Hotza. i don't know who else had to leave today, but i know there were others.

YO LIL' E. why don't you post something some time? this Blog needs to turn its *frown* upside down (which would, ergo, irrevocably synthesize itself into an artificial pseudo-smile)!

i registered on ebay, so i can buy used porno vids.

tight~

*pats chest with fist twice and then makes a "peace" sign* peace out peace out!

*more adieus..."

so...tam tam and emu ditched me. *cries* i got to see Waggie, Dr Cowbob, OraLaura, and Waggie's friend, Leslie, at Cafe Coco's.

the following adieus go out as follows:
byebye waggie!
ciao ciao Dr cowbob!
YOU DON'T LEAVE FOR ANOTHER MONTH, OraLaura
leslie...i'll do you later *wink*

i'm going to go shave my balls.

shibbidy dabbidy daah

yellow! howdy folks.

FAVORITE LINE OF THE DAY: "i hate giving head. i don't ever want to be good at it, 'cus then they'll make you do it more." --Anonymous (*turns head and coughs*...Emu)

well, i bet you are curious to know the outcums of last nite's adventures.

i had to go to REI, and, strangely enough, Emu said she had to go there, too!! so we went to REI together...and found me the right size of thermal ligerie, but not the right material. she told me i was looking for some material called capalyne...i took her word for it! for my backpack, i was initially going to buy a Timbuk2 bag called "The Detour". its pretty cool- you should look at it. it has "sheath" for my lovely new laptop...my Dell Inspiron 600m. How i adore thee! but, while emu and i were at Blue Ridge Mountain, i saw the North Face Network daypack that she was returning b/c the bag did not fit her fat A laptop. amazingly, my laptop (which is WAY thinner...who says bigger is better?) fit into the NF network, and i ended up putting her bag on hold...i bought the actual thing today. my only discretion about getting the Detour is that i can't see it before i buy it! i have to order it online.

emu and i had a little pow wow, but she had to go to work...so she dropped be off at home like a cheap escort. and when i got back, much like a cheap escort, i was off to whore myself somewhere else. so i went to Hotza's house...Wu dropped by when Hotza and i were out buying Wu a birthday present. luckily, she was still there when we got to Hotza's house...we bought her Intuition razors...my lovely idea.

while we were looking for Wu's present at Target, i bought a 19.99 Cd case for 11.99...guess how i did it! well, i took the wrapper from the 11.99 case and put it on the 19.99 one...so i was only charged 11.99 for a 19.99 dollar case! doesn't that rock? i love cheating the system. it reminds me of the days back in Jarrell's class, where i skipped class, never wrote the essay for missing a concert, never made up hours for skipping, and never did my objectives. i sure lied my ass off in there. and the best thing is...I GOT AWAY WITH IT! *smiles*

so, back at Hotza's...Mr. Hotza, Hotza's dad, had cooked some REALLY good chicken on the barbeque...it was yummy. initially, Hotza and i had planned on watching Gone with the Wind and Casablanca, but all those movies would had totalled to some 7 odd hours of movie watching (and, mind you, we started Casablanca at 8)...so we just stuck to Casablanca...i ended up falling asleep.

Wu gave me a REALLy cool picture frame...its called an "Ether Frame" i think. it has 3 layers of glass, and on each layer, you can put pictures. so, in the end, you get this really cool 3-D, picture montage type ordeal. cool, eh? she also got me a voodoo doll...yes, you heard correct. she gave ME, of all people, a VOODOO DOLL. anyone who knows me...beware! don't leave me with any personal objects, or else you might get voo-doo-doo-ed on! (or is it Voo Dieu-Dieu-Nguyen...?)

hmm...thats all i can remember. i spent most of the time at Hotza's sleeping during Casablanca...and chit chattin' with her about the future and stuff like that.

but wait- theresmore!! after Hotza's, i went to Emu's house and burned CDs and sucked face until about 3:30 in the morn...too bad i had to wake up at 8:00 am the SAME DAY for a dentists appt.

i woke up for my 8:30 appt to the dentist. I HATE THE DENTIST. i hate MY DENTIST and his bitchy ass attendant person who actually cleans your teeth. she was like "your problem is brushing your teeth too fast, so your gums are a bit swollen" and i said "sorry, this morning i was in a rush to get here" and she said "NO! this has been a long term problem. do you floss?" and i said "every once in a while" and she said "that's what i thought" and i was thinking "FACK YOU, BIA!"

i talked to the Doc about my jaw popping problem...i didn't tell him it was from putting large objects in my mouth. he scared the shit out of me talking about how "this is a problem that is gonna be with me the rest of my life"...scary. i wish my jaw didn't pop :( waah.

i came home, and cleaned the house since Ms. Nash was coming over for dinner. i cleaned until about 2...went to Blue Ridge and bought the backpack that Emu had initially purchased...came home, and bapple came over for his final, good-bye booty call. *weeps* it was so beautiful. i even called to say by to his MILF.

...he left, the moms came home...cooked food...Nash came over...and we wined and dined about everything from college admissions to religion to philosophy to education (specifically Hottie Garcia).

so that brings me to now...its only 9:04pm...the night is young. let's see what i can "cum" up with, if you know whaddamean!

BTW...the ants in my house disappeared a while back. now the flies are here. GODDAMN THE DAMN FLIES!

OFFICIAL ADIEUS FOR THE DAY:
asalamalakum (sp?), my dear Hotza.
adios, Seniorita Bapple.
au revoir, Emu the Daddy Long Leg.
Tzai jian, fair Tam Tam of Green Hills.
you suck, faniel. and by "you suck" i mean "good riddance". and by "good riddance" i mean "you're hotter than hard body darby" and by "you're hotter than hard body darby" i mean "i'll miss you, and i'll never forget that time at the lake..."

Until we all meet again...biblically speaking of course.

...for my peeps with the Bentleys...the Hummers...and the Benz...

this is a song dedicated to all my fellow booty calls and MLK graduates.

sometimes, when i can't go on, i say to myself "what is the meaning of life?"...to which Peter, Paul and Mary so resoundingly reply, "the answer my friend, is blowing in the wind." suddenly, everything becomes crystal clear and my vigor for life is refilled. "blowing in the wind"...its so profound...almost prophetic. and for all this time, i wasn't blowing in the wind, i was blowing...

BLOWING IN THE WIND

How many roads must a man walk down
Before they call him a man
How many seas must a white dove sail
Before she sleeps in the sand
How many times must the cannonballs fly
Before they are forever banned
The Answer, my friend, is blowing in the Wind
The Answer is blowing in the Wind

How many years must a mountain exist
Before it is washed to the sea
How many years can some people exist
Before they're allowed to be free
How many times can a man turn his head
And pretend that he just doesn't see
The Answer, my friend, is blowing in the Wind
The Answer is blowing in the Wind

How many times must a man look up
before he can see the sky
How many years must one man have
before he can hear people cry
How many deaths will it take till he knows
that too many people have died
The Answer, my friend, is blowing in the Wind
The Answer is blowing in the Wind

**this is the largest compilation of unanswerable, rhetorical questions i have ever seen. the song is way better as a song...if you think too much about the lyrics, you are just hurting yourself.

it's been a while

it's been a while...and i really can't say much. mostly, people are dropping like flies... :(

Lil' E left up to NPU. Neenee left to UNT.

lemme try a recap the things i have done.

well, on the 17th, faniel, neenee, cover, and i all went out to neenee's dad's lake...not his personal lake. just his lake house/bunny ranch/boobie bungalow.

i jumped of the 2nd highest cliff into the water, and nearly lost my genitalia.

we went back to neenee's to hang out, where we busted out the super sling shot and shot water balloons at cars *eyes begin to water with the glee of rememembering such an event...who knew vandalism could induce so much fun!*

on the 18th...a bunch of kids went bowling. and then went to waggie's afterwards. lil' E left that evening....*poops in pants from sadness* i spent the night at Neenee's because we were both horny from lil' E being gone.

on the 19th...ryan "open mouth" bailey and i went on a 'night-hike' that ended up not happening because we were too scared to hike alone at night. we went to Wild Oats (and sowed a few if you know what i mean...), played GEEETAR (yes...i can play...i can play one song, and only one song), and beat Mario on his vintage Nintendo (yeah, a NINTENDO. not a game cube or Super Nintendo. just a plain, ol' gray, ugly nintendo. after we bumped uglies, i went home and OraLaura came over (she came all over the place) and we chilled like villains until abotu 2:30 in the morn.

**BE ON THE LOOK OUT FOR THE APHIN... & BAILEY EXPERIENCE. it's gonna be HOT HOT stuff.**

goodbyes are tough...but not tough enough to make me cry or bust a nut.

so yeah...right now, i'm in limbo thinking of things to see and people to do.

i had to go to my mom's office today. she ordered chinese (whores), and invited a bunch of her colleagues/coworkers to come see me before i left. half the people i didn't know b/c my mom invited them out of nice-ness...isn't that sweet? i, personally, feel that if i were invited to something like my mom's shebang and i didn't know the kid for which the party was being held...i would not have gone. but whatever. to each his own.

gotta see Hotza...shop at REI and target. i need a CD case for all my new burned CDs from Target...and thermal condoms/underwear/lingerie from REI. i'm gonna be going with Emmuu, i am waiting for her to call me back!!...dumb bitch.

who knows what will end up happening by the end of the night...

...lord knows i need some sleep...and a beer...and a good F...(by F, i mean "flan"...i really need some good flan)

and to Lil' E and Neenee...i miss you two already...dont' fuck anyone without me...i bid thee official "adieus"...

TO RYAN, my non-meat-eating-comrade...maybe you lifetimes of plentiful crops, and fresh soy beans...

inteview Edition II starring Neenee and Faniel

so here i am, sitting at neenee's computer while she blows me from under the desk. being mildly unflattered by her lack of skill, i offered to interview her again to get her off my damn nuts. while faniel was watching in the corner, i decided to give him a chance to shine upon my lovely, humble ablog (get it? its like "humble abode, but isn't).

Question 1: When did you first realize that sex felt good?
Neenee: well, i remember that time faniel and me played "who likes the skippy" with reese, my dog.
Faniel: in my younger years, when i first met Neenee; but now, we have spread to ass sex and more kinky forms of animal husbandry.

Question 2: True or false, "Once you go black, you never go back" and why.
Neenee: True, because they F good...even though...umm...i wouldn't know from personal experience-- O WAIT! i do know--thanks to a miss tenisha scrotum!
Faniel: True, because...the myth is true. and in case you didn't know, its b/c they [black men] have huge cocks.

Question 3: How much would you pay for me to service you?
Neenee: i don't know where that mouth has been...
Faniel: at least 5 dollars...no...seriously...at least 5.

Question 4: Can you deep throat? if so, when and how did you realize this hidden talent?
Faniel: Neenee realized it with me. isn't that right Neenee?
*Neenee gulps and nods her head*

Question 5: Is JC (Jon Chen) your eternal, undying savior?
Neenee: JC is going to save the world with his calculator programming...so of course he is.
Faniel: now, what kind of "savior" would try to blow you up with a flame thrower made out of car exhaust?

These kids are a little dry today, so limited this interview to 5 questions. i'll be back later to type up a storm!

**A SPECIAL THANKS TO MATT**

ME (3:21:39 AM): i wish you would compile these list-serv posts you have found so i can post them on my blog
MATT (3:21:58 AM): ok ill send you a copy of everything
ME (3:22:02 AM): woo hoo
ME (3:22:08 AM): my readers will be so appreciative
MATT (3:22:13 AM): ill bet
ME (3:22:42 AM): maybe TOO appreciative...physically, perhaps
MATT (3:22:59 AM): some of that appreciation better get passed along to me
MATT (3:23:03 AM): physically
ME (3:23:05 AM): hahah
ME (3:23:17 AM): maybe i can arrange that...do you want me to leave your e-mail addy on it?
MATT (3:23:22 AM): sure
MATT (3:24:06 AM): its worth a shot

So, for my beloved Matt, i have included his e-mail adress so that my readers may, hopefully, contact him...so he can get some "physical appreciation." it's thanks to him that these overshadowed list-serv posts were even found. without him, i would be completely unaware of the blossoming love between Punkin and Linderooney. we have been blessed to have the opportunity to witness such a beautiful thing!

no seriously.

please e-mail him.

he needs the booty.

m-moonen@northwestern.edu <--that's your man!

UPDATEROONEY!!

earlier, if you take a look on August 12th, i compiled a set of posts/e-mails that went out to the NU list-serv of freshmen and sophomores entering that residential college. i thought that the list-serv was a goofy idea, but i have been proven wrong. there have been some significant updates, and potential matchmaking between two NU sophomores, Linderooney and Punkin. let's hope that their love flourishes into something more than what was shared between J Lo and P Diddy. Here is a compilation of the banter exchange, and evidence of a new love about to unfurl...

FROM PUNKIN, TO LIST-SERV
Hey everyone,

My name is Punkin, and I'll be a sophomore in CAS in the fall. I'm from
Nashville, TN.

My turn-ons include:
1) (this first one should be obvious to those who know me well)
2) Julia Roberts - the perfect woman
3) long walks on the beach, as well as the lakefill
4) Democrats
5) Burger King's orgasmic cookies
6) Snood
7) Deer Huntin'
8) Hand games with my gurl Lauren the VP
9) the Minnesota Twins, the Cubs, and the Tennessee Titans

My turn-offs include:
1) (this also should be obvious)
2) mushrooms
3) Republicans
4) anyone who ignorantly thinks that Julia Roberts is not the perfect woman
5) people I don't like
6) the Oakland Raiders and the L.A. Lakers

Can't wait to get back to Evanston and play with friendlies!!! I'm lookin forward to meetin all y'all new people in the fall. And if we're compatible based on what I said above, you should definitely come introduce yourself to me...but I can't remember what room I'll be living in...oh well...i'm living on the second floor - the place to be...

OH! OH! OH!

Punkin

FROM LINDEROONEY, TO ENTIRE NU LIST-SERV
*glitters with excitement*
Hey you all. I think you should be REALLY excited and proud of yourselves! You're in NU (pats self on back, and metaphorically pats all you readers' backs, too)--tehehe!

My name is Lindsey (but you can call me Linderooney for short)...I am a sophomore in SESP, which makes a REALLY silly sound if you sound it out!

Well, just to give you guys a run down of what I'm in to...There are 3 important things in my life: 1) Animals 2) Books 3) God

*First off, I LOOVE animals. I came from a really small town, so I used to bury the dead animals I could find in my back yard, and make little "tombstones" out of left over pieces of burlap and dead animal hide! They were SO adorable. I have pictures if you want to see them. Yeah- so by the time I was 13, I got into animal husbandry. My father was a minister and my mother was a pro golfer (yeah- you might have heard of her if you were a real big golf fan in the 80s). My dad's father's mother was a champion animal breeder--my parents think I got the genes from her. I said I live on a farm...so I have 3 cats, 11 sheep, 6 tortoises, 12 guinea hens and 5 dogs (whose names are Catarac, Lampshade, Jubilee, Howder and Gerund, respectively that is). Since we don't have many vet offices around here, I started mating animals as soon as I got Catarac and Lampshade. From then- I've been an animal husbandry-pro. I am hoping to join the Pro Federation League (crosses fingers)

*Second of all, I LOOOVE to read. "Choose Your Own Adventures" is my total fave genre...I've seriously read all of them at least 30 times. I know this sounds dorky, but sometimes, I choose different things so I have a different adventure each time.~ I know! Crazy, isn't it? I guess you could call me a WILD AND CRAZY kinda gal!

*Last off, God. I go to church on most sundays, and me and my priest are like *this*. We talk on the phone all the time, and we help each other out with our problems. He's the BEST at giving boy advice, and I help him out with the marital problems he has. Sometimes, he even bakes me chocolate chip cookies. I LOOOOOVE COOKIES!!

Well, I think I've told you guys enough. I am really excited to meet all of you.
Call me or e-mail me ASAP!

toodleloo~
Linderooney (aka Lindsey H.)

FROM LINDEROONEY, TO LIST-SERV
Ok, this is my public apology to a certain lovely Vice President of the Residential college that was not happy with the "profile" that was posted yesterday. That email was not meant to offend anyone, it was purely for our own entertainment. Not a lot of animal husbandry, "Create your own adventure" reading or heart to hearts with a priest going on herre in Minnesota. As for my lovely roommate's post that said: "hi! my name is sarah and i'm a psych major. my hobbies are jumping off things, ass sex and dropping acid (but mostly the latter two for religious reasons -- i'm sure you understand), and i speak 5 languages. this summer i played piano and i am from a town w/ cows."....you'll just have to drop by 226 and find out for yourself.

See you all in a month,
Lindsey

FROM PUNKIN, TO LINDEROONEY
don't apologize for being yourself...if you enjoy animal husbandry then you should shout it from the rooftops...and don't be ashamed of reading choose your own adventure novels if thats what you like to do...be who you are; i think the intelligent folks at Northwestern and in particular the close-knit community of Shepard can accept and love you for who you are.

Sincerely,
Punkin

FROM LINDEROONEY, TO PUNKIN
Dear Punkin,

Thank you so much for your email!! It made me feel so good about myself that I went right out to the farm and watched my dogs hump all day!!

Love, Lindsey

FROM PUNKIN, TO LINDEROONEY
My Dearest Lindsey,

It warms my heart to know that I was able to inspire such confidence in you. It's good to see you speak openly about your passion for animal husbandry, unorthodox as it may be. That's a step in the right direction. Anyways, I can't wait to see you when I visit your oh-so-wonderful state of Minnesota next week. Perhaps you and I could take inspiration from your dogs when we're trying to find something to do with our time. I bet we could teach them a thing or two.

Love Always,
Punkin

*sniffles* HOW ROMANTIC!! ISN'T THAT ABOUT THE SWEETEST THING YOU HAVE EVER READ? two misfits...one list-serv...find love...our prayers and thoughts are with them. may they one day experience a love...a love so special, that even J Ho and Ben Affleck would envy them...

...a thousand miles...

what did i do today?

well, in the morning, i was supposed to go see off gansta' allie since she be leavin for college- but dat just didn't work out! *still crying*

last night, i was up REALLY late, because i was going on a "CD burning binge". i went to neenee's, where chris timberlake and robyrd were...we all chilled, made out...and had a gay ol' time!! neenee gave away her old contraceptives and clothing to robyrd, and guess what? I GOT A PAIR OF OLD COWBOY COOTS! **Boots

they are totally hot and i'm bringin them on up with me to college~

i borrowed like 20 of neenee's Music CDs and Sex-How-To CDs to keep me entertained while up north with 'dem yankees.

so anyway, back to what happened today. man2 and ya2 picked me up around 6. we went to target, ya2's friend's chinese restaurant, and super walmart!

the chinese food(pussy) was SOO YUMMY!!

i'm kind of sad *sniffles*. it will be a while before i see ya2 and man2 together!! ya2 will be commuting to japan to train for her job at panasonic, and man2 is gonna be at GA tech...you might recognize the university by its more formal name, HELL.

so~ today, i bid five, official adieus:

...until next time, Curly.
Good RIDDANCE Gansta' Allie. (jk)
...until next time, Nelly.
...until next time, Ya2.
...until next time, Man2.

we shall all meet again...IN MY PANTS!

i know its been a while, but this one's for lil' E (who just so happens to be "not so lil'" in the chest):

(...i knew it would be love at first sight for you two!)

*shivers with anticipation*

okay okay...so yesterday...hmm...i forget what i did...lemme look into my crystal balls...ahh yes, i remember:

i woke up around noon and decided that it was a perfect day to take trip(s) down memory lane. i took off my skid marked undies, and took a shower...and i was OFF.

i visited the beloved MLK and saw some teachers. the weirdest thing is to see kids that you knew but didn't really know. like was i supposed to be like "OMG~ I MISS YOU. LET'S HANG OUT BEFORE I LEAVE!!" or do i just say like "hey!"...i don't know which is polite. the most depressing thing is seeing all the fine A that you could have f-ed, if only you were a bit younger. *weeps*

i saw Nash, Deb "The Sex Queen" White, Humpty-Dumpty Jones, Satan (aka Ms. Berry), Cameltoe Adcox, Boone and Ashely Jarrell (actually, i saw him biblically. no. in all seriousness, i was scared to see him. i avoided him at all costs by taking secret paths to the new wing.

that was fun.

after that, i went to Eakin...where ALL my old teachers had skidaddled. i was soo sad that i blew my nose on my own shirt. i went down to ECP, which was my after-school care program that i went to after school everyday, and i remembered most of the faces there!! i was happy...a lot of my counselors (about 3 of them) still remembered me, i remembered their faces (not their names...really), but the ECP hadn't changed at all!! all the stuff we had made and posted in our elementary years were on the walls...still. it was so very nostalgic and lovely to see people that really had some sort of affect on your childhood~

i went to Davis Kidds to pick up some presents for my peeps. i ran into a woman whose daughter i helped teach chinese. isn't it a small world? on my way out, i was talking to my mom on the telly, when an old lady asked for a ride...seriously.

i opened my car, she threw her guitar in, and i drove her to Belmont Methodist. wasn't that nice of me? i'm glad she didn't rape me. and by "glad she didn't", i really mean "wishes she had."

doesn't this trip down my memory lane bring tear/tears to your eye/eyes?

i dropped by Gangsta Allie's house to give her my "going to college present"...i hope it doesn't run out of batteries too quickly, if you know what i mean. actually, i got her a cool mug that says "Maybe i want to look cheap". when i went inside, i saw my first love, Lily the Dog...in addition to Jake Jingleheimer Shmidt and Mitzi--who gave me a little "Yale" glass cup. it was sweet~

when i got home, i was off to Neenee's for meat loaf night. Chris Timberlake and Curly were there also. we were eating, drinking, and being/doing merry/hindman.

people started making there way to her house, because we were meeting there to go CLUBBIN!! TONS of kids went. i would write down all their names, but i don't have code names for every single person there.

we clubbed until about 2 at graham central station. it was hottt. the wet t-shirt contest was banging (...not really...i lied)...but it was tons of fun to go clubbing with like 10-15 of all your friends!! waggie sang some karaoke, and we all did each other in the "Orgy of a Lifetime", upstairs on the roof top lounge. *still quivers with excitement*

LP, lil' E, gansta Allie, neenee and me went back to neenee's. lil' E, gangsta Allie and i "chatted" all night. when gangsta allie left, lil' E and had a pow wow (...even thought it was more like a GANG BANG), and i left the house around 5:30 am to cum home and sleep.

...how sweet...

"are you listenin'? woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo" - jimmy eat world

well, well, well. its nice to be back again- whistlin' and twerkin' it like no other.

today was a pretty long and busy day. the night before, i hadn't gone to sleep until around 6 or something. i don't remember exactly why...but anywhoo, i had to wake up at--OO WAIT. i just remembered why i was up so late. i was watching "in the bedroom" starring sissy spacek, and it was, by far, one of the best-acted, WORST-movies i have ever seen. kind of like "the hours" where the acting is really good, but at the end of it all, you are thinking "whaT whaT whaT?!--8 am b/c i had an orthodontist appointment at 9. and by orthodontist, i really mean urologist.

so i went to the orthodontist/urologist, and had my "retainer" (yeah- you know that really means...) adjusted. i was blessed to be assisted by "Prissi", my favorite dental assistant there...and i believe i like her the best because her name is, indeed, an adjective. isn't that cool? *jealous and wishes "Joe" were an adjective...SOBS WAILS CRIES DIES!* when that was finished, i got my free ice cream bar (yeah- we get free ice cream) and jetted out of that mofo.

after that was all said and done, i went to Cool Springs to get my pay check. i was all sad b/c i wanted to take some private ice skating lessons before i left for school, but there just wasn't enough time! instead, i went in there and talked, i mean FUCKED, my boss(es) and gave them a self addressed stamped envelope for them to mail me my check for "oral services".

i called neenee, and headed down to Media Play where i bought a new CD/Alarm radio (a Sony Psyc) and a pair of Sony earphones on my dad's card. he doesn't know that i bought the earphones for 20 buckeroonies, so i hope he doesn't get in the credit card report before i leave!

*takes a sip of grapefruit juice*

after that, we headed out to the mall...since we seem to always win these FREE SHOPPING SPREES! actually, i didn't get that much...pretty much like 5 beanies and two new t-shirts. the lady who worked at American Eagle was so very nice- i felt bad for duping her. i was like "can you hold these pants for me! i have to run out to the car and get my card!!" and she was like "oo sure- honey, what's your name and i'll save them for you" and i said "umm...my name's Jay...Jay Chung". tehehehe

unfortunately, i couldn't shop till i dropped all day b/c i head to go to Alive at 25 for my speeding ticket from way back when. the class was from 5 to 9:30, but i was SOO tired from only getting 2 hours of sleep that night that i took a "Junior Nap" (aka Quickie) for one hour before i had to leave.

ALIVE AT 25, i must admit, wasn't all that bad. our teacher-lady-person was a psycho that pretty much interviewed each and every one of us like we were in therapy. i met some cool kids. lemme run through a few of them:

JASON: red-neck type kid who was dippin' snuff. he was the "designated" writer on the white board. the teacher was impressed b/c he went to FSU on soccer scholarship. well, she was impressed until she saw his writing on the bored. for instance, "ignoring" was spelled "ENORING" and "animals" was spelled "ANMIALS". i thought *wow* and the teacher thought *hmm...i guess he really did mean soccer scholarship when he said it.* he was, however, a nice kid.

CHRIS: sad next to me and dipped snuff with jason. he was going to be a senior at B'wood academy, and wanted to go to Ole Miss. when asked to choose one word to describe himself, he said "deceitful". from that moment on, i talked to him about where i slept in my room, when my parents were home, where the money in our house was hiding, and i immediately lended him my important credit card numbers and social security number. silly him! deceitful? he didn't deceive me at all!

KATHLEEN: this mini-sized young womanwas caught speeding on her way to church. coming from boston, and living in nashvegas for 2 years, she's looking to hit the christian rock scene, while waiting for her hubby to come back from being in the armed forces.

Four BLACK GIRLS: i dont' remember all their names. one, who spoke REALLY ghetto and had like 300 tickets and 500 accidents was hitting on me. she lives on Kirkwood, so i might stop by for a booty call. another of of the girls got really into the teacher's psychoanlyzations, and was like "i just don't know why i speed. i have a problem. i recognize that. i just don't know why i drive everywhere like i'm in a hurry *sniffles*....i just don't understand", to which i replied "thats great! the first step to solving a problem is to admit to yourself that you have one". another black girl, who called me "Yale" in place of my god-given christian name, asked me if my parents worked in a nail salon/gas station...no, seriously, she did. and the last black girl slept. *cool*

MELANIE: melanie was an interior-type design major with an aspiring artist, soon-to-be husband. i talked to her about design and f-ing her boyfriend...and gave her advice on where for him to go on consignment for his paintings.

THE DUMBEST KID ALIVE: this kid was not worth naming. when asked how old he was, he replied "i'm 16. i'm supposed to be in the 11th grade, but i'm in 9th" and i was jealous of him from that moment on. representing Hillwood HS SOO WELL, he was in Alive at 25 for (and i am DEAD serious):
"...driving 87 mph in a four wheeler on charlotte at noon while skipping school..."
no wonder he was in that class. when the kid left the room. the teacher said "God help him..."...i just said "call me!"

one the whole i made a whole lot of new friends. BFFs FOREVER! well, as mentioned earlier, i hadn't gotten much sleep. the fact that, during our lunch break, it rained as soon as i made my way to burger king didn't help at all...and i was wearing Sanuk squishy sandles...so i had water all up in my business. the guys i was with ditched me for "Hooters". when asked why i didn't go with them, i said "i mean...the food is just too good and too pricey for my range! i wasn't gonna tip no hoe just to give me a glass of water."

"HOW I GOT PISSED OFF"
my dad told me to call him if my class got out early, and that he would pick me up at 9:30pm if i didn't call.
here i am, standing on the corner of 3rd and Union, in the middle of downtown at night. its 9:45, and my dad, who is a slow ass driver, has not arrived.

i am sleepy, angry, aggrivated, annoyed, wet (not vaginally), sticky from humidity and semen, and just plain PISSED OFF.

my brother called and told me that he found the PERFECT laptop for me from Dell's refurbished products (which are products that were returned...and Dell resells them for like 1/3rd of the cost) but that his DUMBASS didn't order it ahead of time, and then it wasn't there any more. i was pissed.

on top of that, i called the house to see where the fuck my dad was. to my disbelief, he HADN'T EVEN LEFT THE GODDAMN HOUSE!!!

when he finally got to me like 30 minutes later (and, mind you, i only live like 3 miles from where i was standing...i do not know WHY it took him 20 fucking minutes to get there) we had a yelling fest where i yelled at him for not using his common sense.

#1. i was mad because he TOLD me he was going to pick me up at 9:30pm.
#2. he said that i was supposed to call him, but i was like "WHY WOULD I STAND IN THE MIDDLE OF DOWN TOWN FOR 20 MINUTES WHEN YOU KNOW THAT THE CLASS GETS OUT AT 9:30pm??"
#3. he said, "well, its downtown. its hard to find parking." i said "IT'S 9:30 AT NIGHT, HOW MUCH F-ING TRAFFIC IS THERE?!?!?! and besides, YOU COULD DRIVE IN A CIRCLE A COUPLE TIMES INSTEAD OF LEAVING ME IN THE MIDDLE OF DOWNTOWN AT NIGHT BY MYSELF!!!"
#4. i said "YOU SHOULD JUST CALL ME IF YOU WANTED ME TO CALL YOU WHEN I GOT OUT." he said that he didnt' want to call b/c i was in class. i said "I'M NOT AN IDIOT. I HAD THE DAMN THING ON VIBRATE!!"
#5. we argued about other stuff b/c i was really pissed off and on my period. and, btw, i don't use curse words when talking to my dad. that was an added affect.

SO ANYWAY- i get home at 10:30. i was supposed to hang out with OraLaura, but that never happened b/c i came home so late. my brother was supposed to be at home to order me a laptop, but he didn't end up showing until like 11. LUCKILY FOR HIM and for me, the laptop he thought had disappeared had shown up again (phew!) and we ordered it.

BUT I WAS STILL F-ING HUNGRY. so i ordered some food from "The Wing Basket" and my lovely mummy went out and picked up the order for me.

I ATE. I DRANK. I CRAPPED. I PISSED. I BRUSHED MY TEETH. I WATCHED SOME TV. AND I WENT TO BED.

shoowee- what a long day~

howdy, chaps!

just got back home from:
A) getting a MMR (measles, mumps, and rubella shot)
B) hanging out with Nelly

hmm...well, the doctor's office, as usual, was gross, and i was glad to get in and out of there~ (the same feeling after you purchase a hotel and a cheap whore; you want her one moment, and in a minute, you just want her gone). i am not really scared of shots, but i realized the prick doesn't hurt nearly as much as the sting of fluids going in to your HOT BOD. i was hoping the nurse would inject it in the side of my fat A, but (woe!) she shot me in the arm...

afterwards, i met up with Nelly, and we went to WalMart where i bought TONS of shit...like lube, nonoxyl-9, propecia, allegra, prozac, aderol, diflucan, celebrex (yeah~ *sing it with me*: celebrex, celebrex, come on celebrex!)... think that was about it...all the "dorm room essentials".

i swear the diflucan isn't for me. seriously. its not mine. i bought it for...umm...a friend. you know. its not mine. don't think its mine, because its not because i bought it for someone else. okay? QUIT ACCUSING ME OF OWNING IT! I TOLD YOU LIKE TEN FUCKING TIMES THAT IT ISN'T MINE! WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING!??? THIS ISN'T A JOKE....*eyes water*...its not mine. stop making fun of me for owning it...since its not mine.

last night was fun. i hung out with neenee, lunchbox and punkin (as you can tell from the previous post). lunchbox and punkin live in the same residential college at NU, and so they were receiving mass "freshmen personals" from the new res. college freshmen. they were all on a giant "list serv", so that all the kids in the same res. college could get a hold of each other. punkin and lunchbox thought the entire system was a joke, because shitfaces and idiots were writing personal-ads like "my turns ons are...my turn offs are"...so, as a mockery of this type of behavoir. i wrote fake personals for them and their friends...these fake personals were mass-sent out to all the new NU kiddies!! i have included them here:

EMAIL NUMBER 1:
Title: *glitters with excitement*
Hey you all. I think you should be REALLY excited and proud of yourselves! You're in NU (pats self on back, and metaphorically pats all you readers' backs, too)--tehehe!

My name is Lindsey (but you can call me Linderooney for short)...I am a sophomore in SESP, which makes a REALLY silly sound if you sound it out!

Well, just to give you guys a run down of what I'm in to...There are 3 important things in my life: 1) Animals 2) Books 3) God

*First off, I LOOVE animals. I came from a really small town, so I used to bury the dead animals I could find in my back yard, and make little "tombstones" out of left over pieces of burlap and dead animal hide! They were SO adorable. I have pictures if you want to see them. Yeah- so by the time I was 13, I got into animal husbandry. My father was a minister and my mother was a pro golfer (yeah- you might have heard of her if you were a real big golf fan in the 80s). My dad's father's mother was a champion animal breeder--my parents think I got the genes from her. I said I live on a farm...so I have 3 cats, 11 sheep, 6 tortoises, 12 guinea hens and 5 dogs (whose names are Catarac, Lampshade, Jubilee, Howder and Gerund, respectively that is). Since we don't have many vet offices around here, I started mating animals as soon as I got Catarac and Lampshade. From then- I've been an animal husbandry-pro. I am hoping to join the Pro Federation League (crosses fingers)

*Second of all, I LOOOVE to read. "Choose Your Own Adventures" is my total fave genre...I've seriously read all of them at least 30 times. I know this sounds dorky, but sometimes, I choose different things so I have a different adventure each time.~ I know! Crazy, isn't it? I guess you could call me a WILD AND CRAZY kinda gal!

*Last off, God. I go to church on most sundays, and me and my priest are like *this*. We talk on the phone all the time, and we help each other out with our problems. He's the BEST at giving boy advice, and I help him out with the marital problems he has. Sometimes, he even bakes me chocolate chip cookies. I LOOOOOVE COOKIES!!

Well, I think I've told you guys enough. I am really excited to meet all of you.
Call me or e-mail me ASAP!

toodleloo~
Linderooney (aka Lindsey H.)

EMAIL NUMBER 2
Title: hi kids
OH MY GOD!! aren't you guys excited?!?! this is going to be the best time of your life...like totally the best. like oh my god!! i'm so excited...i'm about to pee in my pants ;)

so anyway, let me tell all you guys a little bit about myself. i am a WM looking for other Fs My hobbies include dog grooming (only on weekends), chilling with my BEST friends in the world (Shelly, Roberta and Gilda!!~ you go gurls!), talking to my youth pastor, and just LOOVING LIFE!!

ok. i'm an engineering major, and its REALLY a lot of fun. i get to add and divide stuff all day and talk about physics of the universe. PLEEASE SIGN UP FOR Prof Kiers class. its AMAZING. seriously- it was one of my favorite classes.

well, i have decided to include a turn on and turn off list. here is GOES!! *laughs with a snort*

TURN ONS:
1) i love talking to girls...PAJAMA PARTIES~~ OMG- they're SOO much fun!
2) touching myself with Binky, my FAVE stuffed animal in the world (he's sooo cute!)
3) watching "Steel Magnolias" and "To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything!"
4) i totally love the Lakers- they're the BEST football team ever! GO LAKERS!
5) taking trips to chicago...CHICAGO HAMBURGERS ARE THE BEST!

TURN OFFS:
1) ethnic people (like people from other planets, you silly sheep!)
2) MILFs
3) hairy cowboys
4) B.O.
5) blue balls

Well, i am TOTALLY PSYKED ABOUT MEETING ALL YOU GUYS! its gonna be SO much fun. just call me or e-mail me or something. i hope you are as excited as i am~~...tehehe *chuckles koi-ly like a japanese school girl*

Luv ya~
Brian **my best buds call me Brilee ;)

EMAIL NUMBER 3:
Title: greetings earthlings!
shalom!
hey fellow shepard-arians! i hope you are getting pumped for an awesome time!! 5 out of 6 shepards virgins lose their virginity in the first 3 months, so you have a LOT to look forward to.

my name is Adam, but the people who really know me just call me Lil' Mo G. i grew up in the Bronx up in NY...aka Buffalo, and i'm always representing the north fo' sheezy. i really didn't pick NU. i was rejected by all the ivy leagues, so i kind of had to settle for here...but i all honesty, I LOVE IT! (besides, i don't know any better!!)

i have a girlfriend, who's absolutely FABULOUS! we don't do anything physically, because i really want to hold out for the right girl. we try to keep our relationship strictly non-physical, b/c my rabbi says that things could get a bit "sticky" if done otherwise. *wink wink* in addition to my gf, i love learning hebrew and reading the torah.

my father is a locksmith.

as far as my interests go, i'm really into translating the torah. in my spare time (especially during the summers), i work as an FFA (future farmers of america) volunteer, planting proper vegetation for those less fortunate. i'm a Agriculture major here at NU, and i'm loving every bit of it!

i am really hoping to combine by love of Hebrew and Agriculture, so i can move to Jerusalem and plant corn for the chosen people. i really like corn b/c its yellow and juicy. i don't like how it gets all up in your teeth, but i feel like the corn is God's way of saying "i'm a good vegetable. you get rind in your teeth because i taste so good. enjoy every yellow-y bit of me. yea. i am good." i really feel a spiritual connection with corn. while i am jewish, i still love christians! even though i don't think Jesus is the messiah, i'm sure he was a REALLY cool guy.

i feel like i've written an entire novel!! silly me. here are some other interests of mine: Mrs. PacMan (i think she should be called PacWoMan. get it? LOL!!), intro to Agriculture (i recommend it to everyone!), and dancing the hora...

MUZZLE TOFF TO YOU ALL!! i'm looking forward to meeting you in peace.

shalom.

Adam

**HOPE YOU ALL ENJOYED...and with that, i shall bid thee all adieu!**

posted by lil' E: words of the "Wise" and the "AFINYANAFONGS" for that matter....

ME (2:24:33 AM): this is my fave text message to you: "if i had a million dollars id stuff it in you and bang you like a pinata. by: tammy nash"
ME (2:24:34 AM): hahahaha
ME (2:24:36 AM): i forgot i wrote that
bESsielou4ever (2:24:50 AM): lol
bESsielou4ever (2:24:58 AM): it blessed my heart.
ME (2:25:03 AM): haha
ME (2:25:08 AM): i can't believbe you got that in church
ME (2:25:13 AM): how did you control yourself?
bESsielou4ever (2:25:43 AM): actually i just grinned sheepishly
bESsielou4ever (2:26:07 AM): then proceedED TO
bESsielou4ever (2:26:13 AM): THROW MY HEAD BACK
bESsielou4ever (2:26:20 AM): CACKLE AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS
bESsielou4ever (2:26:47 AM): AND FALL OUT OF MY CHAIR like renee/tenisha poking fun at a white girl wearing highwaters during lunch...
ME (2:26:05 AM): i bet people thought it was the Lord's Grace
ME (2:28:40 AM): LOL
ME (2:28:41 AM): hahahha
ME (2:28:45 AM): those were good times
ME (2:28:50 AM): you should cum with me to Yale
bESsielou4ever (2:29:07 AM): i heard my phone vibrating bc its *A* loud and i read the TM/put my phone away and made believe that it was all a dream.
ME (2:29:23 AM): hahahaha
ME (2:29:31 AM): it was CLOSE to a dream...wasn't it?
bESsielou4ever (2:29:39 AM): wet one?
ME (2:29:52 AM): wet...from PISS!

posted by lil' E: a special "treat"

where would we be without the newfangled art of text messaging?

in the past month or so i have received many lude, crude, and rude text msgs from "neenee's cell". however we know who the master(dirty)mind is behind the operation most of the time..none other than Hose' himself. for example:

just tonight at 11:54 pm i received: Orgasming with nola j...*watching the overton band play*

others from the same disgusting weirdos include:

Dont be fooled by the rocks that i got...im still...im still jenny(tang) from the block...jumaji...jumanji
-aug 9, 2003 2:20 pm

We are still in MYpants, TN.
-aug 2, 2003 12:43 am

*Frolicking in full drag...with no panties* -by erich z
-july 26, 2003 1:08 pm

Im NAKED!!! Spreadeagled with no blankets...In the middle of chicago
-july 26, 2003 1:01 pm

"Touches self to Thoughts of beth, tang, and sweetie (threesome of a lifetime)" - by: mrs bonelli
-july 24, 2003 10:03 pm

"once you go black you never go back. Once you go white you go back to black." -Love, hot Mindy
-july 24, 2003 8:37 pm

"Theres no business like show business"...from hotza to bapple.
-july 24, 2003 8:31 pm

They dont call her sherry *loves the* wang for nothin
-july 22m 2003 12:27 pm

this message came to me like a thief in the night from a mister david tudor:

I love bennaple like a fat kid loves cake!
-july 20, 2003 5:53 am

**last but MOST DEFINITELY not least and one of my alltime faves was a text i received from neenee and "the gang" when i was sitting nicely in church one wednesday summer evening:

"if i had a million dollars id stuff it in you and bang you like a pinata." by: tammy nash

(needless to say i had to stifle my laughter and go on like nothing had happened)

gee whilickers. kids these days....

now thats my story and im sticking to it
-class clown

posted by lil' E: requests and dedications.

joe A. (as in "A"Lindsey;"A" is short for james which is short for "asshole") has requested that i post on his blog again. what has gotten into that blithering numbskull? speaking of A. Lindsey though, word on the street is that he is the ASSisstant principal at Stratford. i wonder how long that f-ing ahole will last there. *thoughts drift to him tossing (sexy) renee wills across the art room/over an overhead projector like a piece of meat* that incident was ever-so-kindly referred to as the "showdown of a lifetime" in the senior memory book 03. moving right along...today was metro's first day of school, and the first day that the c/o 03 was simply MIA in the halls of MLK. it mustve been a sad sad day around them parts. i sincerely hope that Ms. Ripski welcomed everyone back to Martin Luther King High "Skoo" via the intercom for the afternoon announcements. it just wouldnt be the same without her sweet candya$$...

posted by lil' E: thought for the day...

" Always remember: When you point a finger at someone, you have 3 fingers pointing back at yourself."


thats so inspirational.

from LunchBox, Neenee, and Punkin...

here's a menage a trois of interview questions, provided here by YOURS TRULY:

Querstion Numero Uno: Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?
LunchBox: Mushroom Head (aka Dan Dan the Booty man...umm...don't ask)
Neenee: that's a stupid question
Punkin: i concur with LunchBox

Querstion Numero Dos: What is your deepest fear?
LunchBox: Neenee, you go first.
Neenee: i thought of something dirty, but i didn't want to say it b/c its just going to make me look bad.
Punkin: I have no idea.
*when asked to elaborate, neenee responded: "my greatest fear is to die by "phallus asphyxiation"...if you don't know what those words mean, look it up here."*

Querstion Numero Tres: Who do go to for advice?
LunchBox: i get female advice from Ryan, Brian, Matt, Tom, Dan (yes...the Booty Man), Lacy, Howard, and Deb "The Sex Queen" White.
Neenee: Asia Carrera's Online Chat Room (here's the link)
Punkin: i get it from neenee who gets it from Asia Carrera...so vicariously through neenee, i am really getting advice from Asia herself.

Querstion Numero Quattro: If stranded on an island between you three, who would sacrifice to the Egyptian Sun God, Ra, and why? *kneels and prays chanting Ra...Ra...Ra...(Ree, KICK 'EM IN THE KNEE! RA RA RASS, KICK 'EM IN THE OTHER KNEE!)*
LunchBox: what kind of sacrifice is this?
Neenee: LunchBox, because he'd provide the largest food supply...or he'd eat me first.
Punkin: why does it matter?

Querstion Numero 5 (my mexican is limited to numbers one through four): If you could change one thing about you, what would it be and why?
LunchBox: i'd give myself an ass...an ass sooo big that i could f myself.
Neenee: well, i'd just change my whole identity to Asia Carrera...DUH!
Punkin: i would make myself not so pale.

Querstion Numero 6: Where have all cowboys gone...doo doo doo, doo doo doo, doo doo doo?
LunchBox: ask neenee.
Neenee: Up my ass
Punkin: they've all gone with neenee to North Texas...in HER ASS

Querstion Numero 7: Does size matter?
LunchBox: no~
Neenee: depends on what you're talking about...*licks lips seductively*
Punkin: YES!

Querstion Numero 8: Paper or Plastic, and why?
LunchBox: plastic applicators provide a smoother transition.
Neenee: PLASTIC FOR THE ENVIRONMENT'S SAKE!
Punkin: paper, b/c i don't want to be able to see the person's face through the bag.

Querstion Numero 9: Where do see yourself in the future...like in the near future, but not like 2 minutes from now...and before you die...but not right before you die, or else you'd just be in a nursing home or something...
LunchBox: sitting at home eating (eating what i ask...?)
Neenee: walking the streets of nashvegas as a homeless gidget, crying b/c PingPong ruined my life with his Blog.
Punkin: no, neenee, you'll be walking the streets of nashvegas crying because blood's dripping out of your a$$ from all the cowboys stuck up there.

Querstion Numbero TEN!: Pick a question, any question for me, the WebMaster(Debator), to answer:

LunchBox: Is all this Neenee information first hand?
Me: But of COURSE! do i look like a liar...seriously.

Neenee: How do you sleep at night, you sicko!?
Me: After cumming.

Punkin: Why haven't you and neenee gotten together in all your years of friendship?
Me: why don't i shop at Kmart? its all too damn cheap!

AND WITH THAT, we are out. Let us all give a big hand(job) to LunchBox, Neenee and Punkin for this O SO INTIMATE look at their personal lives...their hopes, dreams for the future, and deepest fears. stay tuned for...umm...well, i don't have anything else planned.

TOODLES!

DISCLAIMER:

all posts, scenarios, and situations should not be taken for face value. most/some are altered for reading enjoyment. please do not take things personally.

(but, like all myths, there is some truth involved)

back...back...back...back it up~

ok. roomie update. my roomie, SportsCenter, seems to be awfully disinterested in me. whenever i talk to him online, i ask the questions...and his responses are 3-5 words long. apparently, 12 other of his school mates are going to YALE. yeah. TWELVE. i don't think that many are even coming from TN State alone...

he goes to some "ivy league breeding ground." well, geeze...12 kids from one school going to a REAL Ivy League like Yale (not some fake ivy like Upenn or some shit)?...there's definetely some smart breeding going on there...

anyway- last night was fun. i hung out with neenee, curly, and faniel. faniel taught us ALL how to play Euchre (not to be mistaken with the color "Ochre"), and he and i won both games we played. its weird to see people you haven't seen in a long time, because when you see them again...its like you've never left at all. i appreciate the people who keep in touch with me, because it brings people to the fore ground that i seem to have unintentially swept behind. (yes...TeaPot the cat...i'm talking to you~ thanks for being there for me)

throughout the game of Euchre, neenee made quite a few educated responses.
Neenee: This game is STUPID!...wait...how do i play again?
Neenee: i don't like the score keeping system. THIS GAME IS STUPID! wait. how do you keep score again?
Neenee: this game is STUPID, even though i don't know how to play.

she, somehow, represents the female gender so beautifully...in all their grace and alacrity. because of her, i respect the female species, instead of viewing them as "dumber than men"...tehehe

in all honesty, she wasn't that bad, but it makes for a good story.

lets hope the roomie, SportsCenter, gets a little more conversationable...(is that a word?) or maybe i just won't im him anymore. that would work, too. speaking of which, he just logged on for one second, and logged off. *weird*

still in search of our last roomie, Juvey. ESPN called Juvey's house, and his dad picked up. Juvey is supposed to e-mail him back- we'll see how it goes.

last nite, i started to watch Animal House. its on my agenda to watch Animal House, In the Bedroom, Casablanca and Gone with the Wind. i want to be a "movie classics" afficianado.

yesterday evening, bapple and i had a really cool discussion. it went a little something like this:
bapple: dude, c of c has this really good bed sheet deal for like $200.
me: that isn't a good deal...i got all my shit for under $100...and that includes a down comforter, a flannet duvet...jersey T sheets...calvin klein down pillow...etc.
bapple: no. but this package has extra stuff...like hampers.
me: still- if you actually shopped for your shit, it would be WAY less than $200.
bapple: but they have sheets that you can't get anywhere.
me: um. X-long twin sheets?
bapple: yeah, see? we have special sheets that you can't find.
me: join the f-ing club. EVERYONE HAS X-LONG SHEETS.
bapple: O. really? but you can't find the sheets anywhere.
*i think to myself: wow...you could've only gone to like Target, Bed Bath and Beyond, Linens N Things...hmm...i'm hoping he made that comment to back up his reasons for thinking that the "$200 dollar package" is such a good deal...or maybe he really is STUPID. who? bapple? NO WAY! GET OUTTA HERE!*

for the sake of his rebuttal, please provide a list of the extra shit provided in this c of c $200 dollar package, and the advisory board and i shall decide if its a "good deal" or not...MWAHAH!

posted by lil' E: "I am clueless...I am WITHOUT A CLUE..." -famous words by E.Z.

its a very sad morning here in H-town. youve guessed it, lil E is in the hizzy again and i dont have much to say this time. everything is pretty much self- explanatory, *brace yourselves*

bESsielou4ever (11:48:41 AM): hey nola
NOLAJONES (11:49:22 AM): hi there.
NOLAJONES signed off at 11:49:32 AM.


*weeping uncontrollably* is THIS what i deserve?!?!?! 6 years of clarinet playing and thats all she has to say?!!?and that bia had the audacity to say that she "loved me better than peanut butter"....... that lying, cheating whore.....

posted by lil' E: "after you back it up and stop- drop dropdropdrop drop it like its hott..."

greetings earthlings. i come to you in peace. you are in the presence of the one and only "esther esther child molester". the hott n' sexy pornstar otherwise known as "Hose' Afinyanafongs" has bestowed upon me a gigantic (sexual) "favor"...

ME (1:00:59 AM): do you want to post on my blog?
bESsielou4ever (1:01:10 AM): "sure"
ME (1:01:29 AM): ok
ME (1:01:33 AM): do you know how to do it?
bESsielou4ever (1:01:48 AM): i think


*how romantic* (it reminds me of the first time joe and i made love. it was a hot spring afternoon in the 3rd floor bathroom...and then there was that one time in dane's truck in the back parking lot. and my *personal favorite* was under Stella Himmelreich's desk, but no one wants to hear about that, do they?) and there you have it. straight from the horses mouth. i havent a clue where the f to start. i am a blogging "virgin", if you will. tis highly doubtful that i can create even a single entry as beautiful and eloquently written as Mr. Afinyanafongs. If only i had paid more attention to hott dougherty and her juxtaposition/double entendres/all that other bs....
Let's see: It's approximately 1 am here in H-town. Home of Erich "EZ money" Zimmerman and formerly that of Nola Jones. *sobs with nostalgia* which reminds me, a week or so ago, i was in the movie theater at Opry Mills like one is accustomed to be every now and then...i believe the movie was American Wedding.. Moral of the story is that as soon as i had taken my seat i glanced down the row and was forced to do a doubletake- were my eyes deceiving me?!?! or did i REALLY spot the one, the only, ANDERSON MAYFIELD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and with a GIRL/on a DATE?!!?!?!?!??! but unfortunately YES. my eyes HAD in fact deceived me. my night, okay, okay- my LIFE was ruined. someday if im *lucky enough* i can feast my eyes upon that "hunk of burning love" again. we can only hope....
tonight i will leave you women of the night with sweet dreams and thoughts of Rod hill shaking his A...
Yours Truly,
"Lil E" (not to be confursed with "Trita D from the c/o 03)

i'm baaaaaaaaaaaack...again that is

*this entry is a work in progress, so check back to see if i added any new memories to it*

soo everybodAY~~ i'm back from Orange Beach, Gulf Shores. it was a bunch of fun...so...i guess i'll have to recant as much as i can, because a lot has happened (biblically speaking).

on Friday, neenee and i hit up Club Hurricane's, where we caught a tight "cold shower" competition, where these 10 hoes danced in a shower (kind of like Senior/Junior Prom without the showers). can we say SKANKY? not only did i have to pay 15 dollars b/c i'm a guy, we had to get huge X's drawn on our hands, and were immediately circumsized with dull razors...wait- that didn't happen. but the club was skanky nonetheless.

OMG. we ran into MS. TARTARSKI!!!!!!!!!!! we made out with her, and she got hit on by some guy from Wisconsin. the guy had a friend who tried to convince me to join the armed forces by showing me his tattoo and saying "you look healthy. join the army" to which i replied "i am not healthy. no." if he wanted to do me, all he had to do was ask. the whole "armed forces" bit is SOO outdated and SOO obvious. it was scary to see ms. tartar and to see her friends. *still weirded out*

neenee and i pulled an all night of hot, steamy, sexy, intimate talking. for those of you who did not know...neenee had her first mugshot saturday morning. for further details, contact her one on one, or you can reach her at her day job @ 1-800-HOT-GIRLS (yeah...neenee is the blonde one on the commercial that lip sinks to "hot girrls...pick up the phone...hot girls...pick up the phone). charlie picked us up and we were on our way to Floribama.

tommy boy, neenee's brother, and charlie, neenee's dad, were farting maniacs. two words: grow up.

i got a lot of sun and i am super dark now. it was my initial goal to become "bleeeaaaaack," but now i'm just "dirty mexican." i should come up with a make up line with the skin colors as those names, eg: "our flawless make up comes in 3 colors; dirty mexican, white trash, and bleeeeaaack. call 1-888-XXX-XXXX to order your own set, NOW~"

to show how mexican-looking i was, i will set up a REAL LIFE scenario i experienced with a 7-year-old girl named Alex. Alex was from Memphis, TN with her friend and her friend's mother, Miss Lisa. Alex told neenee and i EVERYTHING about her...where she slept...where the money is hiding in her condo...when her parents leave the house...no no no- jk. but Alex was a talker. she was very sweet, and i taught her and her friend how to make "Dribble Castles" aka "Drizzle Castles" (not to be mistaken with Cum Drizzling/Dribbling. you get a mixture of water and sand in your palm, and drizzle it and it will slowly build a neat little castle. i originally intended to build REAL sand castles with their little bucket-molds, but some hick-assed little kid borrowed the biggest castle-mold and stole it. STUPID SHIT. I SHOULD'VE LYNCHED HIM WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE!!!) so...anyway, alex looks like a little Cameron Diaz. i also taught her how to skim board, since i became a skim board MASTER and it pissed off lil' tommy boy that he wasn't very good at it...and the fact that i stepped on that mother fucker and had it down in no time...MEESA SKIM BOARDING PRO!!; by the end of the trip, i was doing 360s and deep throats. well, here is the discourse that developed between Alex and me:

Alex: Do you speak Spanish?
Me: No...why?...do i look Mexican?
*Alex nods her head*
Me: umm...no, i'm Chinese.
...and as all discussions of ethnicity continue, Alex forced me to "say something...say anything" in Chinese. i taught her how to say "Eat Shit and Die"...but she wasn't very good at the pronunciation.

on another day:
even better...we were all locked out of our condo, and this half-sane-rent-a-cop was helping us get back in the room. we were on the 7th floor, and the rent-a-cop (who wore a police cap and had a lazy eye...and who i will call DumbShit for typing purposes) brought a key...well, the key didn't work. so he went back down the elevator, and came back up with another key...that key didn't work. and charlie was so tired of waiting, he ended up breaking into one of the windows (by lifting up the screen panel and opening the window) and we got in. here is the lovely, o-so-non-ignorant discourse that occurred between DumbShit and me:

ACT I, Scene I
(Disclaimer: while reading, please think of the hickiest voice possible to get the full-on, DumbShit experience!!)
*looks at me with one lazy eye to the side*
DumbShit: where you from?
Me: um...Nashville
DumbShit: NO~ i mean countreee.
Me: well, i'm chinese by blood, but my dad is Thai and my mom is Taiwanese.
DumbShit: you know any of 'dem martial arts?
Me: no.
DumbShit: o- well, i thought they taught you how to do that. it must not be as much of a tradition anymore.
Me: neato. cool. grand. awesome. wow. oh.
*as DumbShit leaves, i scream "ehh yaH!" while making a KARATE chop...jokes on him. all us orientals know the art of martial-ness. mwahaha*

in all honesty, DumbShit was very nice. he wasn't ignorant. he just wasn't as cultured as many of us (such as bapple) are. he was a very nice guy...but wait- THERESHMOORE!

ACT I, Scene II
*DumbShit comes back up the elevator with a new set of keys, he hands the keys over to me and says...*
DumbShit: here. you take these and try to open the door. maybe you can get it...the chinese are always smarter.
*i take the keys, and hand them to neenee.*

what an interesting guy. *i give you my props*

soo...what other fun stuff happened. well, this was probably the most fun of all. TOMMY BOY PUKED ALL OVER THE BATHROOM FLOOR AT 4 IN THE F-ING MORNING AND I HAD TO CLEAN IT ALL UP B/C HE WAS TOO INDOLENT TO ASSUME THE TASK ON HIS OWN. he tossed cookies all over the floor, the floor mats, the sink, the toilet, the tub, the shower curtain, his bedroom floor, and the shower walls. WHAT THE FUCK WAS THIS KID EATING/DRINKING/F-ing??
my inner-maid kicked in, and i went into full throttle-slave mode. this involved me:
*chloroxing the floor, the sink, the sink table, the toilet, the door handles, the bathroom tub
*putting the towels and mats into the washer and dryer
*taking down the shower curtain, and rinsing it off in anti-bacterial soap in the tub
*mopping and drying the floor with a towel
*disinfecting and deoderizing were key*

by the next morning, neenee couldn't even tell that some one had a spew of an explosion in the bathroom. i shoudl've made tommy boy pay me for those services.

on another day:
well, i build a trench around one of the castles that i built, and people called me "trench digger"...you know...the racial slur for gooks/vietnamese people. *weird*

two southern slang terms that i learned:
*pinch a loaf means take a shit
*a bruhaha is more of a "shenanigan". i used the word in place of saying "haha".

on another other day:
neenee's dad, charlie, brought an over-sized sling shot. we all dropped wet globs of toilet paper from our floor onto the indoor swimming pool, glass ceiling. we also chucked water balloons hundreds of feet into the neighboring swimming pools. we also hit cars, a few babies, and gazeebos/tents that peopel were under. we scared them all shitless. mwahah~ we also shot tomatos, peaches and entire rolls of toilet paper soaked in water. i don't think i have ever had so much fun in my life.

we never got caught...tehehe.

INTERESTING FACT FOR THE DAY:
for those of you who did not know, Ms. Cheap from the Tennessean is neenee's aunt. we hung out with her family, and said our goodbyes to Banana and Bizza (<---neenee's cousins) who are going to Spring Hill College. (hanging out included eating crabs with our bare hands, and watching "queer eye for the straight guy". one note: JAI IS SCARY. PLEASE GET RID OF HIM. we also took a beach walk and met a bunch of hicks, to whom i told i was "12 going on 13". one of the hicks said he "drove a four wheeler to his friends house", "didn't wear shoes", and "drives a tractor everywhere." way to represent Alabama...it makes you sound really educated when you say those things...*prays that the white trash hicks were not serious*)

random thought:
the pool had a lot of jelly fish and jelly fish bits. i dont' think i was ever bitten, but i did get a couple piercing pains on my bonch/scrotum-nal areas. they didn't last very long, but i was scared a bit.

IN GENERAL:
i ate tons of good sea food, particularly pussy. (i dont' think pussy is a sea food, but it smells like it...or so i hear.)

NEW SUBJECT:
WELL, my roommate (his alias is SportsCenter) got a hold of me, as did one our suitemates, whom i call ESPN. i thought ESPN would be another southerner, since he's from NC, but he grew up in NY. SportsCenter is from CA, and the last kid (whom i will call Juvey because his picture in the Yale facebook makes him look like a dilinquent) has yet to be found. i think he's in jail...but there are no official reports on his whereabouts just yet.

i received an e-mail from SportsCenter and ESPN on the same day.
Both of their e-mails talked about their love of sports.
i received ims from them at the same time on the same day.
i received the same reasons as to why they had to leave (they both had "coollege good bye" parties to go to).
they both left at the same time.

all of this evidence leads me to the conclusion that: they are, in fact, the same person. they were separated at birth...but shall be reunited at Yale. if worse comes to worse, SportsCenter and ESPN can room together, since they are practically the same anyway. jk. i don't know, i'll have to meet them. but i'm thinking they are going to get along very well...and all the roommies will want to lynch the southern-belle chink named Joe. *hopes and prays this does not happen*

do people like me?

am i capable of making friends?

we shall find out, soon enough.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
a handicapped party with a bunch of kids, jumping and dancing (to the best of their abilities) to Black Eyed Peas' "Let's Get Retarded." if you laughed, you are a bad bad person. *laughs maniacally*

song lyrics for your entertainment

here are some old classics for you youngins. hope you enjoy. i listen to these songs every morning when i get up...it helps me get to a good start with a nice dose of arrogance.

Song Numero Uno: "I Wanna Be A Supermodel"

I don't care what my teacher says
I'm gonna be a supermodel
And everyone is gonna dress like me
Wait and see
When I'm a supermodel

And my hair will shine like the sea
And everyone will wanna look just like me

Cause I'm young, and I'm hip and so beautiful
I'm gonna be a supermodel
'Cuz I'm young, and I'm hip and so beautiful
I'm gonna be a supermodel

I wish that I was like Tori Spelling
With a car like hers, and a dad like hers
And I will show them how, how it was done
And that'd be fun; that'd be fun
And I'd write my school report
On "Why I love my jeans; why I love my jeans"
And oh! On my locker door
It's the coolest thing that you've ever seen

'Cuz I'm young, and I'm hip and so beautiful
I'm gonna be a supermodel
'Cuz I'm young, and I'm hip and so beautiful
I'm gonna be a supermodel

I didn't eat yesterday
And I'm not going to eat today
And I'm not going to eat tomorrow
'Cuz I'm going to be a supermodel

'Cuz I'm young, and I'm hip and so beautiful
I'm gonna be a supermodel
(Repeat to fade)


Song Numero Dos: "Popular"

Three important rules for breaking up
Don't put off breaking up when you know you want to
Prolonging the situation only makes it worse
Tell him honestly, simply, kindly, but firmly
Don't make a big production
Don't make up an elaborate story
This will help you avoid a big tear jerking scene
If you wanna date other people say so
Be prepared for the boy to feel hurt and rejected
Even if you've gone together for only a short time,
And haven't been too serious,
There's still a feeling of rejection
When someone says she preferres the company of others
To your exclusive company,
But if you're honest, and direct,
And avoid making a flowery emotional speech when you brake the news,
The boy will respect you for your frankness,
And honestly he'll apeciate the kind of straight foward manner
In which you told him your decision
Unless he's a real jerk or a cry baby you will remain friends

I'm head of the class
'm popular
I'm a quarter back
I'm popular
My mom says I'm a catch
I'm popular
I'm never last picked
I got a cheerleader chick

Being attractive is the most important thing there is
If you wanna catch the biggest fish in your pond
You have to be as attractive as possible
Make sure to keep your hair spotless and clean
Wash it at least every two weeks
Once every two weeks
And if you see Jonny football hero in the hall
Tell him he played a great game
Tell him you like his article in the newspaper

I'm the party star
I'm popular
I've got my own car
I'm popular
I'll never get caught
I'm popular
I make football bets
I'm a teachers pet.

I purpose we support a one month limit on going steady
I think It will keep you both more able to deal with weird situation
And get to know more people
I think if you're ready to go out with Jonny
Now's the time to tell him about your one month limit
He wont mind he'll apreciate your fresh look on dating
And once you've dated someone else you can date him again
I'm sure hell l did
Everyone will appreciate it
You so novel what a good idea
You can keep you time to your self
You don't need date insurance
You can go out with whoever you want to
Every boy, every boy, in the whole world could be yours
Iif you'll just listen to my plan
THE TEENAGE GUIDE TO POPULARITY

*maternity leave*

sorry my dedicated and faithful bloggers. i will be taking a leave of maternity from August 2nd until August 9th. after the baby is born, i'll be sure to get my blog up'n'running again...so no worries.

until then, sign my tagboard, proofread my old entries, and leave comments under the "make fun of me" links at the bottom of the post. they make me happy.

POST/TAG more. please.

stick a fork in it~ it's done!

woo hoo! it's 3:40 pm right now, and i just woke up. i went to bed at like 8 in the morning after i had finished all of man2's (one of my best buds), once i finished all of her bakery's menU cards. i was Adobe Photoshoping like a motha...and, after like 6 months (they were supposed to be done in february), they are FINALLY DONE!! my dad took the documents to ProGraphics to have them printed. i am SOO glad it's out of my hair. phew~

tonite, i am going to see man2 and her sister, ya2. afterwards, i have to go to neenee's since tomorrow, her, charles, thomas, and i are all heading out for the GREAT midwest...and by midwest, i mean Florida. i don't know what parts yet...prolly the St. Augustines and Petersburgs....definetely no big cities. time for me to get my BEACH time before i head out to the cold and frigid northeast. i won't be seein the sun as much where i'm going--i'll be in the place where the sun don't shine, if you get my drift. bapple will get more sun than me...and more UV skin cancer probabilities, so its a tradeoff.

is "Seasbiscuit" any good? if its anything like the movie "Soggy Biscuit" or deals with that type of subject, i can see my self really getting into it...tehehe.

anyway, i gotta "motor".

btw you can't see my roomies pics b/c you have to have a login ID to the url where there pics are from. sorry. i suck. EAT SHIT AND DIE.

Fave Dialogue between lil' E's lover, Carson from queer eye, and the straight guy on the most recent episode.

Fashion Savant: Where did you get this shirt?
Straight guy: um...K-mart?
Fashion Savant: well, i think---*realizes what words just came out of the straight guys mouth. pause*
*he takes his hand, places it over the straight guy's mouth and says:*
Fashion Savant: DON'T YOU USE THAT TYPE OF LANGUAGE IN FRONT OF ME!