a little discourse:

here's a little transcript of a convo between a highschool bud, faniel, and moi.

Joe: when it comes down to it, i just want to make money
Faniel: and rule the world
Faniel: i'm reading these scifi/fantasy books right now and there's 2 characters in them that remind me of you
Joe: hahaha! yay! are they ugly and smartasses?
Faniel: no...only one of them is
Joe: one is ugly or a smart ass?
Faniel: one is an evil, black-robed wizard, who bends everybody to his will
Joe: HAHAHAHAHAHAH
Faniel: and the other is a member of a race called "Kender", who are short, normally-proportioned people who steal things from peopel without thinking twice, as if they just "borrowed" them
Faniel: :-)
Joe: ...that is such an honor...
Faniel: haha, i actually just decided you reminded me of them just now, and the more i think about it, the more it fits
Joe: its on the blog.
Faniel: awesome! i'm immortalized.
Joe: indeed...on a site titled "XXX FREE KINKY PORN XXX". i'm so flattered to have been written about in a book!
Faniel: that's flattering right? being compared to an evil dark wizard and a thief?
Joe: in many ways. i am, indeed, a thief who steals from the rich, and gives to the me.
Faniel: haha. that's what he does. he steals stuff he doesn't need and just puts it into these "pouches" he has
Joe: hahahahahahahahaha. are these magical pouches?
Faniel: no, he's not magical. he just steals everything and weasels out of trouble. MAN! there's another point..."kender" NEVER get in trouble
Faniel: man it's just awash with joe-ish symbolism

*AND SCENE*

thanks faniel for putting things into perspective for me...thank you.

...inspired by tammy...

Try to type your name with your:

NOSE: ikpkrs54
ELBOW: mjnlod
CHIN: jods
FEET: kjkmlosw
EYES CLOSED AND ONE FINGER: jot
BACK OF YOUR HAND: jor
PALM: jhoiew
MOUSE: joe
WRIST: jmnlode

all i gotta say is...THANK GOD FOR FINGERS.

A FEW GOOD SNL TRANSCRIPTS

sorry i've been out. here are some things to keep you entertained.

Classic Vaudeville with Charlie and Fleisy

Charlie.....Charlie Sheen
Fleisy.....Rachel Dratch

Announcer: And now, the Saturday Night Live preservation Society presents Classic Vaudeville with Charlie and Fleisy.

[ Charlie and Fleisy take the stage ]

Charlie: Hello, Fleisy, how are you?

Fleisy: I'm doing alright!

Charlie: Good. Now, Fleisy, you're a whore, aren't you?

Fleisy: Yeah! [ spotlight shines upon her crotch ]

Charlie: Well, I was thinking maybe I'd like to patronize some of the whores who work on your corner.

Fleisy: Well, I gotta warn you, nowadays whores have very peculiar names.

Charlie: Funny names?

Fleisy: Nicknames. Example: on the corner where I work, Who does oral, What uses her hand, I Don't Know takes it in the kiester.

Charlie: That's what I want to find out.

Fleisy: I told you! Who does oral, What uses her hand, I Don't Know takes it in the kiester.

Charlie: Do you know the whore's name?

Fleisy: Hell, yeah!

Charlie: Well, then, who does oral?

Fleisy: That's right!

Charlie: The whore that does oral.

Fleisy: Who.

Charlie: I'm asking you.

Fleisy: And I'm telling you.

Charlie: Look, what's the name of the whore that does oral?

Fleisy: No! What uses her hand.

Charlie: I'm not asking you who uses her hand.

Fleisy: Who does oral.

Charlie: I don't know.

Fleisy: She takes it in the kiester!

Charlie: Look, after I get oral, who gets the money?

Fleisy: Every dollar of it.

Charlie: Who does?

Fleisy: That's right. And why not? The bitch deserves it!

Charlie: Who deserves it?

Fleisy: Naturally.

Charlie: Okay. So Naturally does oral?

Fleisy: No, no, no. Who does oral.

Charlie: Naturally?

Fleisy: You got it!

Charlie: So.. Naturally does oral?

Fleisy: No. Who does oral.

Charlie: Look, what's the name of the whore that does oral?

Fleisy: No, What uses her hand!

Charlie: I don't know.

Fleisy: She takes it in the kiester.

Charlie: Again, I'm back to the kiester. Okay, when I get oral, who makes me climax?

Fleisy: She'd better!

Charlie: Who'd better?

Fleisy: If she wants to get paid!

Charlie: If who wants to get paid?

Fleisy: That's right!

Charlie: [ thinking ] Look.. do you have a pimp?

Fleisy: Of course! A fine bunch of whores we'd be without a pimp!

Charlie: The pimp's name?

Fleisy: Why.

Charlie: I just thought I'd ask you.

Fleisy: And I just thought I'd tell you.

Charlie: Then, tell me who's the pimp.

Fleisy: No, Who does oral.

Charlie: I don't know.

Together: She takes it in the kiester!

Charlie: Okay, look. Let's say I want to have an orgy. Who's doing oral, what's using her hand, and I don't know takes it in the kiester. Now, when it's all over, why comes in to collect the money.

Fleisy: That's the first thing you've said right!

Charlie: I don't even know what I'm talking about! And, you know what? I don't give a damn!

Fleisy: Oh, he's my crack dealer!

[ they bow, the curtains close ]


DynaCorp

Announcer.....Chris Parnell
.....Jessica Simpson
Porky.....Will Forte [ open on footage of Jessica Simpson concert ending ]

[ dissolve to Jessica running backstage ]

Announcer: Hey, Jessica - great concert!

Jessica Simpson: [ toweling off ] Thanks!

Announcer: Looks like you worked up quite an appeite out there!

Jessica Simpson: Did.. I.. ever! That's why, after every show, I reach for a can of Chicken of the Sea brand tuna! [ holds up can ] Everyone knows that Chicken of the Sea is tuna, but what you might not know is that tuna is fish, not chicken. So, look for the can with the mermaid on the label! Chicken of the Sea brand tuna - America's #1 non-chicken brand fish!

Announcer: But.. what if you wanted tuna that is chicken?

Jessica Simpson: [ confused ] Huh..?

Announcer: If you like Chicken of the Sea brand tuna, then you'll love new Tuna of the Dirt brand chicken!

[ the can is handed to Jessica ]

Jessica Simpson: [ examining the can ] Tuna of the.. Dirt..?

Announcer: Yep! Tuna of the Dirt is 100% top-grade tuna-free canned chicken!

Jessica Simpson: Hmm.. so, wait.. is it tuna or not?

Announcer: Oh, it's tuna alright - Tuna of the Dirt brand chicken! So, when you're sure you don't want fish, grab the only chicken good enough to be called tuna - Tuna of the Dirt brand chicken. Look for the chicken with the cowboy on the label!

Jessica Simpson: Wait! I'm confused! Why is a.. a cowboy on this chicken can holding a fish pole?

Announcer: Well, because he's fishing around for quality chicken! Tuna of the Dirt - the chicken with the fishing cowboy on the label. In the tuna section of your supermarket!

Jessica Simpson: This is so confusing! I think I'm just going to eat a piece of fruit.

Announcer: Then, you're in luck! Becuase if you're looking for fruit that's every bit as good as our chicken and tuna, then you'll want Turkey of the Jungle brand bananas!

[ the can is handed to Jessica ]

Jessica Simpson: Wait.. stop. Turkey of the Jungle?

Announcer: That's right. Turkey of the Jungle brand bananas. From the makers of Chicken of the Sea brand tuna, and Tuna of the Dirt brand chicken. If fish grew on treees, they'd be Turkey of the Jungle brand bananas!

Jessica Simpson: Thid is ha-ard!

Announcer: Nothing hard about it. Turkey of the Jungle brand bananas can be found in the chicken aisle, right next to Pork of the Orchard brand apples.

[ the can is handed to Jessica ]

Announcer: Pork of the Orchard brand apples. Look for the apples with the picture of a turkey on the can!

Jessica Simpson: [ greatly confused ] Uh.. uh.. so, if the apples.. have a turkey on the can.. then.. what does.. what does the can have with the bananas?

Announcer: Why, that would be the Turkey of the Jungle mascot - Porky, the Scubadiving Chicken! And Porky says:

[ Porky, a scubadiving chicken mascot, waddles up to Jessica ] Porky: [ singing ]
"If you want fruit, not fish nor fowl
Turkey of the Jungle makes this chicken howl!"
Owwwwwww! This turkey is good bananas!

[ Porky waddles off ]

Jessica Simpson: Please stop.. my head hurts..

Announcer: Ohhhh.. then, you need Chicken of the Medicine Cabinet - the turkey-flavored aspirin that comes in a tuna can.

[ the can is handed to Jessica ]

Jessica Simpson: No!

Announcer: Chicken of the Medicine Cabinet brand turkey-flavored aspirin. Look for the tuna can with the chicken can on the label!

[ Jessica appears exasperated, as the camera pans over to a table full of DynaCorp products ]

[ dissolve to phony product labels ]

Announcer: DynaCorp. Bringing you everything from Chicken of Sea brand tuna, to Shoepolish of the Outhouse brand typing paper. DynaCorp. The Kangaroo Rat of the Billiard Room.

[ fade ]

Debbie Downer

Waiter.....Kenan Thompson
Brother 1.....Fred Armisen
Brother 2.....Jimmy Fallon
Debbie Downer.....Rachel Dratch
Dad.....Horatio Sanz
Sister 1.....Lindsay Lohan
Sister 2.....Amy Poehler [ open on exterior, outdoor parade at Disneyland ]

[ dissolve to interior, Mickey's Breakfast Jamboree, as Waiter approaches the McKusick family ]

Waiter: Good morning! Welcome to the Mickey's Breakfast Jamboree! My name is Billiam, and I'll be serving you today. You guys here on a special occasion?

Brother 1: Well, we're here on that new Magical Gatherings family package. We've got the McKusick clan down from Ohio - right, guys? Say Hi!

Family: Hiiiii!!!!

Waiter: Well, great. Let me tell you Mickey's specials today - we've got steak and eggs, served with some home fries and Mickey waffles.

Brother 2: [ excited ] Whoo-oooo! I loves me some Steak and Eggs!

Debbie Downer: Ever since they found Mad Cow Disease in the U.S., I'm not taking any chances. It can live in your body for years, before it ravages your brain.

[ sound effect, as camera zooms in on Debbie's comic distraught face ]

[ dissolve to jingle montage ]

Jingle:
"You're enjoying your day, everything's gonig your way
Then, along comes Debbie Downer!
Always there to tell you about a new disease
A car accident or killer bees.
You'll beg her to spare you, "Debbie, please."
But you can't stop Debbie Downer!"

[ zoom on Debbie's sad face ]

[ dissolve back to the family gathering ]

Dad: We did it, gang! We pulled it off! A family reunion at Disney! I don't know about you guys, but the first I'm gonna do is ride that haunted elevator thingie! [ laughs ] It drops you straight down!

Sister 1: This is my dream come true! I mean, I'm totally serious! Tigger hugged me at the door, and I thought I was gonna cry!

Sister 2: Awww..

Debbie Downer: [ sullenly ] I guess Roy isn't doing as well as I first thought..

Sister 2: What? Who's Roy?

Debbie Downer: Roy? Of Siegfried and Roy? He was attacked by his own tiger and suffered devestating injuries.

[ drunken trombone sound effect, as camera zooms in on Debbie's comic distraught face ]

Brother 1: So, uh.. hey! Who wants to go on Space Mountain with me?

Family: Me!! Me!! Me!!

Sister 1: I want to see the Country Bear Jamboree!

Sister 2: I want to go to every country in Epcot, and greet them in their own native language! "Hola!" "Konnichiwa!" "Hi!"

Debbie Downer: Do you guys care about that train explosion in North Korea?

[ drunken trombone sound effect; Jimmy Fallon starts to crack up ]

Debbie Downer: The media is so sensitive there.. so secretive --

[ Rachel Dratch begins to crack up with Jimmy Fallon ]

Debbie Downer: -- that they may never know how many people perished.

[ sound effect, as camera zooms in on Debbie's comic distraught face, which begins to crack up under Rachel Dratch's crumbling willpower ]

Waiter: Who's ready for Mickey waffles!

Family: Oh, me! Me, me, me!!

Sister 1: Oh.. my.. God! I just made eye contact with Pluto! And he's coming over here!

Brother 1: Pluto! Pluto!

[ guy in a Pluto costume comes over to hug Sister 1 ]

Sister 1: Oh, my God, oh, my God! I'm hugging Pluto! I'm at Disneyworld, and I'm hugging Pluto! Somebody take a picture!

[ everyone crowds around to be in the photo, as Debbie takes the picture with her camera ]

Debbie Downer: Wow, you guys, Disneyworld really is fun, it makes me feel like a kid again. I mean, the time before my two-year stint at Children's.

[ sound effect, as camera zooms in on Debbie's comic distraught face as she takes the picture ]

[ everyone tries desperately not to crack up, as Pluto comes over ot hug Debbie ]

Debbie Downer: Oh.. hey.. hey, Pluto, hi. Boy.. it must be fun to work here.. although, the biggest drawback to working in a theme park is that you must live in constant fear of deadly terrorist attacks.

[ the jovial Pluto stops being so jovial, its tongue hanging out rather sad and pitiful in light of Debbie's statement ]

[ sound effect, as camera zooms in on Debbie's comic distraught face, which begins to crack up under Rachel Dratch's crumbling willpower ]

[ Pluto runs off ]

Brother 1: Pluto.. Pluto, wait, where are you going?

Debbie Downer: With that costume on, he's probably under the early stages of heatstroke.

[ drunken trombone sound effect, as camera zooms in on Debbie's comic distraught face, Rachel Dratch covering her face with her hand as she loses it completely ]

Debbie Downer: Speaking of -- [ cracks up ] Speaking of --

[ Rachel and amy are both cracking up on camera at this point ]

Debbie Downer: Speaking of heat.. if this greenhouse effect keeps up, we'll all be living underwater.

[ drunken trombone sound effect, as camera zooms in on Debbie's comic distraught face; Rachel Dratch tries to hold her breath to keep from cracking up, but it doesn't work ]

Debbie Downer: By the way -- [ cracks up ] By the way, it's official -- [ pauses extensively to hold in her laughter ] I can't have children.

[ drunken trombone sound effect, as camera zooms in on Debbie's comic distraught face; Rachel Dratch laughing while eating waffles, Jimmy Fallon covering his face with his hands, everyone laughing hysterically except for a sly grin from Fred Armisen ]

Sister 1: Okay. You know what, Debbie? [ stands ] You are totally ruining my trip to Disne -- [ crakcs up in the middle of her anger ] I didn't say a word during It's A Small World, when you talked about low birth weight! Or, during the fireworks when you went on -- [ cracks up again, composes herself quickly ] When you when on and on about feline AIDS!

Debbie Downer: It's the number one killer of domestic cats.

[ meowing sound effect, as camera zooms in on Debbie's comic distraught face ]

[ Sister 1 runs away from the scene in a huff ]

Debbie Downer: So, after this, we'll head to the park, guys? [ cracks up ] Lather up the sunscreen. I had a mole looked at recently, and the doctor told me that, due tothe extent of its irregular borders, I'm flirting with a melanoma.

[ drunken trombone sound effect, as camera zooms in on Debbie's comic distraught face; Rachel Dratch again tring to hold her breath to keep from cracking up ]

[ everyone abruptly leaves the table ]

Debbie Downer: You guys go ahead. I'll meet you at my favorite ride - the Hall of Presidents.

[ drunken trombone sound effect, as camera zooms in on Debbie's comic distraught face ]

[ dissolve to title card ]

Jingle: "But you can't stop Debbie Downer!"

debbie Downer: They never did catch that anthrax guy.

[ fade ]

wise words from a distance...

In the words of the great Prophet:

"why have extra fat and gay ground beef when you can have a nice petit filet"

you know how it goes

yes yes...you all know how it goes...

after i stop writing on my blog for a bit, it goes through this very "drought" like stage, during which time i DO NOT WRITE...and say that i will.

i don't know. summer is pretty boring for me-- i wish i had more to say than that. work is going well. i clocked in about 75 hours over a couple weeks, which has been able to rake me in a good 700 bucks or so. too bad its not NEARLY enough money to feed my insatiable needs to spend.

so, here's what i'm doing in the lab: (disclaimer: what i am doing sounds a lot harder than it really is. in all actuality, what i do is quite simple...its like cooking, but on a microscopic level) so...here's a run down of what i am doing. there are 3 "players" in this situation, there's BAD, PP2A, and 1433. each one of the players are being tagged with two different molecules: ECFP and EYFP. these molecules, when close to one another (within 50 angstroms to be exact), will transfer energy from one to the other. this reaction is called "FRET", an acronym for "Fluorescent (or Forster) Resonance Energy Transmission". so, in order to tag these "players" with the fluorescent molecules, you have to manipulate the DNA of the players by taking a piece of the DNA out and adding in the fluorescent molecule that you want. with BAD, PP2A and 1433, two of them will be paired with each other at any time, and i am trying to figure out when they pair together, when they break off, and what causes them to break apart: e.g. are two of them fighting for one site?...does one just leave a site for the other to attach?...etc. once the players have the fluorescent molecule added on, the tagged DNA is injected into BOSC cells. BOSC cells take in the DNA, and package retrovirus-es that have the tagged DNA in them by using materials from the BOSC cells. finally, these newly created retroviruses are used to infect mammalian cells: the retroviruses will go infect the mammalian cell, add its DNA to the nucleus, and the cell with then create the fluorescent molecules that we initially made. then you used a FRET microscope to read and see the pretty fluorescent colors!!

cool, huh? all this work is being done in the pediatric oncology and hematology dept. so i feel all warm and fuzzy that i am doing cell apoptosis research (pretty much cancer research). saving the world, one cell at a time!

i've really enjoyed work and i've been learning tons! the people in the lab are really cool too.

yesterday, i experience an interesting situation that involved my mother taking my car from where i parked it...and not telling me...in this "Punk'd" episode of sorts...minus the fact that i needed the car to take a bunch of people to a birthday lunch that our boss was throwing...and me looking really stupid because i had 3 people riding with me...and we all ended up getting to the party an hour late...

needless to say, i was PISSED at my mom for not telling me she took the car; she, on the other end, thought it was hilaaaarious.

anyway, here's a big ol' fuck you to bapple and RB, who both came to my house, ditched me to butt fuck each other under the excuse "we're going to watch the chapelle show", and left me to lonely and bored by myself. i just went to bed as they enjoyed themselves in the living room.

my vow: never hanging out with either of those two again.

...which means my social networking has gone down ten fold, and i'll be hanging a lot out by myself.

waaaah-- i miss miss yale! i miss it as it seems like the social scene is evolving without me, and by the time i get back to school, i'll be out like those von dutch hats. :( i can only hope and pray that this will not happen.

a few things to be thankful for: thank GOD for the "ghost" function on aim.

o yea- my obsession for this week: BATTLE ROYALE. maybe the best japanese film ever made...its a twisted tale of 42 teenage high school students, sent to an island by the japanese government, to kill one another in a "survival of the fitteest" until only ONE is left on teh island. i don't know what it is about this impeccably written movie, but i am in love with it...

here's something cool: i'm ebaying a digital camera...an optio s4i to be exact; small enough to fit in an altoid can, which is REALLY important...right...? i also want to get myself an ipod mini, but that will take a bit longer since they are 250 fucking dollars!!! jeebus.

anyway, i'm rambled on enough.

that's my story, and i'm sticking to it.

whoops

its not like this hasn't happened before, BUT...i forgot about you.

thank god, blog, you are not a child.

anywho, got back from destin, FL...got a LOT of sun and realized that janine isn't not a freak. she's a TOTAL freakazoid now. ;)

we watched about 5 million movies cus we got free movie rentals! here's what i gotta say about them:
cold creek manor- creepy as all hell...but not too scary.
swimming pool- fucked up. hot naked french girl, but fucked up.
sylvia-...i fell asleep with fear of becoming a lesbian.
21 grams- good shit. naomi's HOT HOT HOT
le divorce- another naomi flick...'cept it BLEW. like REALLY...
mona lisa smiled- i liked it!! not bad at all. one of heather graham's more riveting pieces.
view from the top- pretty funny!!

work started at vandy. i'll blab on that later.