you're a fucking bitch

ha ha ha.

i haven't been here for a while, but the time has come. you know why? because i feel like BITCHING. BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCHING.

sorry blog- its nothing personal- but i do to you what most people do to me: i only come to you when i don't have anyone else to go to (OR WHEN I HAVE A PROBLEM). haha. its sad, blog; you and me. we have so many similarities. one of them being that both of us are confidantes to narcissists.

so i recently discovered this theory that i seem to surround myself with narcissists. haha. a funny theory, one might think. "teeheehee" are the exact onomatopoetic sounds that flushed through my schizophrenic head...cus big fucking deal: so my friends are narcissists. that shouldn't matter too much, i mean, i'm a narcissist to a certain extent; in fact, i think we all are narcissists--you haev to be somewhat vain to go out in public wearing a nice t-shirt and hot jeans...as opposed to coming out looking frumpy, fat, and lame. (not that being frumpy or lame is such a bad thing.)

any how, i have come to realize, more and more than ever, that INVESTING YOURSELF IN NARCISSISTS IS PROBABLY THE WORST THING YOU CAN DO TO YOURSELF. you know why? because there's never enough real time for your problems. hell- it's always their problems. this is how a typical conversation would expand itself:
Me: Hey! What's up?
Narcissist: Hey. how are you?
Me: i'm doing alright...i had a really bad day. well, it was actually a horrible day.
Narcissist: o- i'm sorry! what happened.
Me: well...i got in this huge fight with the parental units and did really bad on this test and got in an argument with my friend...
Narcissist: o. i'm sorry. I had a bad night, too. i *BLAH BLAH BLAH I'M GOING TO TALK OVER YOU, BECAUSE I, UNCONCIOUSLY, I HAVE NO IDEA THAT I COMPLETELY BLANKLY LISTENED TO YOUR PROBLEM OUT OF BEING POLITE, SO THAT I CAN TALK ABOUT MY PROBLEM BECAUSE ITS MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANY PROBLEM YOU WOULD HAVE AND BECAUSE I AM A FUCKING NARCISSIST BLAH BLAH BLAH*.

here's my theory on narcissists. there are two types: socially direct and socially indirect narcissts. within that set, there are also acute, medium, and high leveled narcissists.

for example: those that are socially indirect narcissists (SINs) are very well groomed for the social world. they are very conscious of their surroundings and understand that everyone has their issues. because of this awareness, they are very inclined to ask about your day and find out about how you are doing...but beware: their purposes for asking you about your day are not exactly exempt from ulterior motives. in fact, their purposes, as a narcissist, are quite clear: to get the topic back onto them. SINs ask you about yourself, so that they can create a segway to talk about themselves. their purpose for listening is not because they care (well, they might a little bit); the purpose is to create a pretense of caring upon which they can talk about their problems, and not have their narcissism be obvious.

there are also socially direct narcissists (SDNs). SDNs are easier to come by. they rarely have very good friends, and always, and i mean ALWAYS, talk about themelves. the pretense of caring about you is very slim...they cut to the chase. SDNs also come in forms of pathological liars, who are so egotistical that they create a deluded sense of reality about themselves. they also are described as being "flakey" and never have long term friends.

amongst the these types of narcissism, there are acute, mild and high levels of expression. these are all based on the percentages of interactions that undergo such conditions as those presented for SINs and SDNs. acute leveled narcissists, on the whole, have a pretty good return rate: that is, they are only narcissistic and use such ploys as listed above seldomly. somwhere around 20-30 percent of their interactions with others consist of self-deprecation. Milds have a return of around 40-60, and high leveled narcissists have returns of 70-100 percent.

now that we've listed out the types and extremities of narcissists, let me talk about myself.

i would put myself in the category of an Medium-leveled, Socially Indirect Narcissist. if anyone disagrees in a negative sense with that statement, then fuck off. i don't like you anyway.

the friends that piss me off, however, are all High leveled, Socially Indirect Narcissists. so every question they ask me usually has some ultimate goal of talking about themselves. in fact, even getting a question about me is quite rare...so i think they are acutally High leveld, Socially Indirect/Direct Narcsissists..."Slashies" if you will.

sad, huh? and i'm the one who puts up with it. i cannot seriously think of which is worse. i'd say that the saddest part is that i am cool with being BFFs with so many high-leveled SI/DNs...and that makes me a lame ass, loser; yay! being a lame ass loser! that's something for me, an already emotionally unstable human being, to be happy about.

"life is de fucking bubbles." i'm tired of bitching. all i really wanted to say was FUCK ALL YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES WHO PISS ON ME ON A DAILY BASIS. IT'S COOL. YOU'LL HAVE YOUR COMEUPPANCE.