yay!! more comments...which means MORE SHOUT OUTS!!

So, for the first: LeeAnne.

LeeAnne, I give you total props for being balsey enough to dish it out to me. The discourse between us was really fun for both me and my viewers. I'm glad the "XXX FREE KINKY PORN XXX" caught your eye...hehe. Anyhow, I hope that school is going well up in good ol' Canada. Correct me if I am wrong, but in your tag board message, you did spell "definitely" wrong. ;) I just watched "Love Actually"--definetely a Must See. take care, LeeAnne, and bundle up! I don't want you getting sick.

And, for the second: Laura Cheung

Laura, even though i was unable to decipher which of the many Laura's you were from the one inch comment you left, I am glad that you came forward about being Laura Cheung. You have THE nicest handwriting I have ever seen (which says a lot) and you have long pretty black hair. Your Chinese is gonna be bangin in no time, and no one else can truly put the "show" in shower...if you get my drift...hehehe

AND FOR MYSELF: Joe

Joe. you are so hot. don't ever forget that.

anywhoo, my day today consisted of lab at noon, getting my sophomore advisor slip signed at 4, back to lab again, rendezvous with Bookie and Ollie, back to the lab AGAIN, mafia with 'cello, AND to hufflepuff's room for "Love Actually." I have mixed feelings about the movie: first off, for being about "love" there wasn't enough hard core, boot-knocking sex. i must say, on the movie's behalf, that it was filmed in england, and they don't really know what love is about. the movie starts out being "love boring"...slowly, it evolves into "love not really"...finally climaxing at "love sort of" and ending with "LOVE ACTUALLY". it was so hot. it's got about 100 different endings (very Lord of the Rings-ish) but i found it, in the end, very fulfilling...like a good 1 hour binge before purging.

BY THE FUCKING WAY:

K.Rap, BR '07, is a little kinky...here's our little IM discourse:
KRAP: yo dorkus
Auto response from Joe: at the lab...making kinky sex toys out of scrap metal.
KRAP: ohhh,....sounds like fun
KRAP: can i test some out for you?

AND...on that note...i'm out like trout

THE FIRST SHOUT OUT EVER!!

I got my first shout out from "Laura."

Laura, you are going to have to specify your surname.

I KNOW LIKE 50 MILLION LAURAS.

YO YO YO

wow.

tonite was fucking off the fucking hook.

fucking fuck fuck. two thumbs up for ROCKSTAR+VODKA and JUNGLE JUICE.

I have GOT to give a shout out to all my bros lost in South Central--like Di Bass-- WHA-WHAT!! this one's for you: "ain't no shame baby do yo thang, just as long as you ahead of the game..." and here's one for Ollie: "you might be a cocky fuck, but i'll still be your friend. you might not be able to body roll correctly, but i'll still be your friend. you might know Jude Law's half-brother, AND THAT'S THE FUCKING REASON WHY I'M STILL YOUR FRIEND. :)"

what other shout outs could i give? hmm...

Alright. In the effort to have more people leave comments/tags on my blog, i have come up with a plan.

IF YOU LEAVE A COMMENT/POST, I WILL WRITE A MINI BLURB ON HOW COOL YOU ARE...REGARDLESS IF I KNOW YOU OR NOT.

PLEASE, PEOPLE. DO IT FOR ME. DO IT FOR THE STARVING CHILDREN IN CHINA. DO IT FOR ELIAN GONZALES.

in addition, tonite was psycho. i'm going to miss everyone...my fellow freshmen!! don't go anywhere, okay? I can't wait to see you all again next year. i would quote Vitamin C's graduation song ("as we go on...we remember...all the times we...spent together) but that would be trashy because, ya know what, Vitamic C IS TRASH. just be glad that piece of shit didn't come to spring fling...not that third eye blind was any better. can we say 7th grade?

i'm horny.

anyway, i'm pretty much phucked b/c i didn't get crackin on finding a freshman counselor until today...and today is the deadline (it's already 3:10 in the morning). whatever. LIFE'S A BITCH, and THEN WE DIE. in the long run, does it really matter?

IF YOU WANT A PERSONAL SHOUT OUT ON MY BLOG, JUST LEAVE A COMMENT/TAG...AND I GUARANTEE, YOU WILL BE THE MOST POPULAR PIECE OF ASS ALL OVER YALE CAMPUS.

i think i've figured it out.

i'm a sick, sado-masochistic freak.

anyway, i met the President of Ambient today...that was cool.

i will be meeting the CEO of JCrew tomorrow.

hmm...what else is on my agenda...?

I'm going to see "Wicked in NYC" next wednesday. my robot for Mech E is almost finished. 3rd Eye Blind is coming for Spring Fling, and it's gonna suck...

hmm...what else is there...

YOU FUCKING PEOPLE STILL AREN'T LEAVING COMMENTS AND/OR POSTS~! YOU BETTER START BEFORE I SPIRAL THROUGH AN EMOTIONAL TAILSPIN!!!

i would like to thank the people that i, personally, did not know read my blog (does that make sense?). it makes me happy.

anyway, i'm going to go kill a cow or a small woodland creature.

TO MY LOVER...out there...YOU DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE (...even though some people do...), but i miss the fuck out of you (and no...my lover is NOT annette...she is strictly my baby momma). please contact me before i go crazy. (...and i bet you all are dying to know who it is, huh? well, contact me, as instructed, and if you're my secret lover, you'll have my body/soul forever! AND, in the words of Catherine from Cruel Intentions, "you can put it anywhere." HAHAH!)

The Epiphany

i don't know if i spelled epiphany right, but i must say...right now...that Juvey has raised his status in the ranks of "Blog Nicknames."

Introducing, the newer, and just as cool Juvey of 2004..."The Prophet."

Through a series of tasks and trials, Juvey has proven himself to, truly, be "The Prophet." He is gifted for knowing that which we, lousy simpletons, do not know. I would call him "The Messiah", but that's just too old school--i think "the Prophet" sounds way cooler.

So, in celebration of this notable event, i shall use The Prophet's name in the context of a story. Last night, having chased the dragon with Sportscenter and DiB, The Prophet and some mexican girl (whom we shall call E. Quintana) came by and "challed" with us as we watched, or tried to watch, Zoolander and You Can Count on Me. It dawned on me in this moment of lucidity that Juvey was hardly Juvey, and more like The Prophet as he began to recite countless proverbs and forbodings of the future...things that only A PROPHET could know.

crazy shit, huh?

Anyway, i don't really remember much of my life or my weekends. to update you on what i do remember:
I finished my Study of the City paper on Nashville.
I ended up in the 3rd quartile AGAIN on my math midterm...NOT GOOD AT ALL. (i just don't want a C!!!)
I sold myself to the Arabic guy who runs Gourmet Heaven.

Anyway, it's really late, and the bed is calling my name...(wait. thats the strange black man under the covers...not my bed). I DID draw the single, so i will be living in my OWN room next year...!!! i haven't worn my retainer in 3 days...but it's cool. retainers aren't really that cool anyway.

i've been uber-depressed since Olde Blue, the thursday night hangout spot, has been closed the past two weeks, and i haven't gotten my weekly dosage of grain, absinthe, sambuca, and tequila. waah. it was the highlight of my week, and now it's closed.

on one of the day this weekend, i don't remember which, i played my FIRST game of beer pong/beirut with Stacerrama...and we DID kick some ass together! we beat Shers and Sars...and tied with Bookie and R.Kosy. I was quite proud of myself. i did lost in flip cup :(

i JUST realized now that i have SOO much work to do in the shop tomorrow for mechanical engineering. i might as well camp in with the flower lady this weekend...and, because the weekend is up, i just mean "the week." the robots have to be ready by wednesday!

i wish people who read my blog would post on the tag board and/or leave comments in the comment boxes at the bottom like LeeAnne. It would really make this site a hell of a lot more fun.

much love to my peeps in South Cetral--wha-what!

(HIGHLIGHT of last nite: watching a GBB beat up a SWB in the show down of a life time! like i said last nite, "it's like watching the dance of the sugar plum fairies!" needless to say, the SWB got his ass WHOOPED by the GBB. go 'cello! DARIEN! WHA WHAT!)

OO YEAH- i saw Kill Bill Vol. 2. WHAT A FUCKED UP MOVIE. that's all i can say.

every once in a blue moon...

so, every once in a blue moon, i give "Sawah", as i call her, a chance to blab on my blog. Here is her post:

In other news, I’d like to expound on a point that’s near and dear. Whilst I admit that this theme has been taken up by so many (and with such great skill—and results!), I’ve been thinking about it for some time, and I do want to try my hand at it. Hence, the theme for today:

CANADA (AND CANADIANS) SUCK SO MUCH

Disclaimer: There are exceptions. I like Mike Myers, so sue me. And Matt C and Pat B are gifts from our Neighbor to the North. Excepting these, I continue with my theme.

The first issue, obviously, is the flag. Oh, the flag. Let’s just say that when your closest aesthetic equivalent is Lebanon, you’ve got a problem.

Worse than the flag is the latitude. I currently reside in Connecticut. I am from Philadelphia. Connecticut is far, far too cold. Philadelphia is often too cold. It therefore goes without saying that anything colder than Connecticut is just not okay. Seeing as Canada is located higher in latitude than Connecticut is, it would stand to reason that Canada is even colder, and ergo, sucks that much more.

The next issue I have is with this whole British-rule thing. Admittedly, I don’t know much about it. But from what I do know, I gather they still are, like, ruled by the Queen. Note to Canada: Guys, monarchy? So passé. Get with it.

Alanis Morrissette.

Canadian bacon is far inferior to the real thing.

You know what else is so obnoxious? Canadian pride. It’s so over, and so obviously overcompensation. Oh, yeah, they’re so insulted when people think they’re from the US. Wah wah wah. You want to seem more Canadian, step up the accent, eh?

The new Bachelor, Jesse Palmer, is obnoxious, a slut, a shitty shitty football player, and Canadian.

The fact that so many of them live right next to the border is wildly amusing. “Nuh uh, we don’t want to live in the US,” they say, as they hug the fence.

The Canadian national anthem is only slightly better than Sacha Baron Cohen’s (as Borat Sagdiyev) rendition of the Kazakh national anthem (you down with Ali G? Yeah, you know me!). Very slightly.

Bryan Adams.

Thank you all, and have a good night.

A little social commentary for the day:

From the Georgetown Lampoon:
--------------------------------------
Opinion
Wearing Your Collar Down is for Poor People
By I.M. Adick, III

When my ancestors came over to this great country 400 years ago, they had a vision for a utopia, free from minorities, liberals, poor people, homosexuals, and immigrants. There are few today who share such lofty ideals, but we're easy to find: Pastel polo shirts, loafers without socks, tucked-in shirts, but most importantly, collars up.

Call me a douchebag. Call me an arrogant little cocksucking dickhead. Beat the shit out of me if I'm not with fifteen of my B-frat friends (unlikely). But just know this: I interned at Smith Barney this summer. Where did you work? A Blockbuster? That's right you insignificant sack of dogshit; I'm going to be your boss. So take your t-shirt wearing, financial aid, blue-collar ass over to Blockbuster and get me a copy of Old School. Do you even own a tuxedo?

Look at my girlfriend. You think she'd go for someone who didn't have his collar up? I don't think so. I remember the night I met her. I bought her so many $9 drinks she couldn't even walk. So I drove her home in my BMW 328ci, but not before I took a few "liberties" with her. The next morning I took her to brunch and went to the mall, where I bought her some blouses. You assholes don't know the first thing about being a gentleman. You probably don't even know how to sail.

When I get out of business school, I'm going to be making $120,000 a year. Add that to my trust fund, and I can buy a country club membership, a ski house, and still have enough money to go barhopping around the city in my designer clothes and shit-eating grin. Maybe I'll offer you a hundred bucks to flip my collar up for me. I earned it you middle-class fuck up. I bet you went to public school.

You're so predictable. I bet I can guess your political party just by looking at you. My cronies and I range from elitist northern liberals to heartless conservative bastards. I've wasted enough time with you. Get some rich parents, an internship, and a pink polo with the collar up, and then maybe I'll let you hang out with me.
-------------------------

...once again...

Yet another response from our international viewer:

Dearest Joe,

If you were *knowledgeable* at all, you would have taken the time to even so much as mouse-over my e-mail address and take note of the .ca at the end of my e-mail address. Or perhaps you would have searched the domain to see what it was all about. For a "smart" guy, you are certainly no Sherlock.

If you're going to have a blog full of "facetious statements that are not intended to be taken literally," it might be a wise investment to say so.

Oh, and I came across your blog because it was at the top of the most recently updated blogs when I attempted to login to update my own.

Peace (not war),
LeeAnne
LeeAnne | Email | 04.21.04 - 8:16 pm | #

HERE IS MY RESPONSE:

Dearest LeeAnne:

My blog is usually read by people who know me, and/or people who stumble upon my site through looking up XXX FREE KINKY PORN XXX--which happens be the title that attracted you to my site in the first place (your chikky monkey!).

I thought that the contents within my blog made it explicitly obvious that it was "facetious". Even though you took my banter on Yale seriously, I wish you had also commented on the line: "its the admitted students day when all the prefrosh come over from all over the world, get naked, and have a huge orgy in the middle of Old Campus, while chanting in sync at the large inflated bull dog in the middle of the yard." I could have explained to you that that line, too, was a joke, and was not intended to be taken literally.

Regarding your statement considering the "wise investment" of pre-advising viewers of the facetious nature of this site, I have to say I have never had any one take offense. Is it because people are not verbal enough, or because people don't take my blog that seriously? Maybe the overall percentage of the population viewing my blog has a sense of humor.

Excuse me and my American blood. It is in me, you see, to immediately wage war upon others: I know you are carrying weapons of mass destruction, and you probably are a member of the axis of evil. JUST KIDDING!! I really don't think you are a terrorist. That was just a joke.

You have inpsired me to start telling people when I tell a joke, so as not to offend the people I don't know.

Anyway, to get back on topic, I had trouble discerning your origin because even though you spelled honor differently,your commentary had errors (e.g. you used "praise" instead of "appraise"). As far as being a "Sherlock", my lack of ability to stalk you and find out where you were from stems from the fact that I am actually stupid, and I had to sleep with an admissions officer to get into Yale (JUST KIDDING--THAT WAS ANOTHER JOKE!!).

I am glad that we are best friends now!! Write back soon!

Love,

-Joe-

The time has come...

Here is LeeAnne's reply to my extremely haughty response to her complaint.

All I can do is laugh. I hope you save this URL and look back on it three years from now when you're graduating. I agree with your point of displaying the knowlegde; however, shamelessly flaunting and honourably displaying are not equal. I've met many Yale grads in business meetings, forums, on the job and in passing. I've yet to hear one of them speak of Yale the way you have.
I do, however, respect your opinion, as arrogant as it may be, because we are all entitled to freedom of opinion and to express it through whatever medium we believe.
Oh no wait....rotten, I forgot. You're American.
Sorry.
LeeAnne | Email | 04.20.04 - 7:11 pm | #

HERE IS MY RESPONSE:

Dearest LeeAnne:

I must admit that I am enjoying this bit of conversation between us.

I am going to be completely honest with you, though. This is from me, Joe, to you, LeeAnne; Human being to human being.

My blog isn't my online journal, persay. While I write in it occassionally, it is intended to provide a good laugh to its viewers: hence the tactless gimmicks and immature lines. If you read the entire blog, you will see the many facetious statements that are not intended to be taken literally (like you have seemed to do).

I can tell, however, that you have not yet picked up on the "essence" of my site. I understand your offense to my writing, but there is a whole lot of distasteful, unclassy "bowel movement" within this blog. It is hard for me to take you seriously because this site is not intended for the serious discourse you have presented.

So during the first time you read this "offensive" entry, if you laughed at its immaturity and absolute hubris (or even giggled at it), then my job was done. If you, again, laughed at the nature of the reply back to your complaint, then my job was done.

If, however, you still have trouble finding the humor within this site, then quit coming back for more. Your commentary does nothing for the site but give me an interesting topic upon which to debate.

Wishing you good tidings of comfort and joy,

-Joe-

Just a Quick Question: I see you are english. You wouldn't happen to be St. Pauls material, would you? AND how ever did you come across my blog?

THE FOLLOWING IS A COMMENT LEFT BY A YOUNG LADY BY THE NAME, or ALIAS, "LeeAnne". This is her personal rebuttal against my extremely tactless, unclassy, arrogant commentary on my love for Yale.

I think you're really cocky. Hopefully, it's because you're only 18 and you just haven't matured yet. I can only hope, for your sake and the sake of countless Yale alumni, you grow up and stop talking like that about your school. I know you think you are praising it, but you're praising it the way trailer trash prop Eminem - it just doesn't fit the bil.. Yale was built on class, distinction and honour. A TRUE Yale student/grad would hold their head high in the *knowledge* of it's greatness; they wouldn't feel the need to throw it in anyone's face. I hope by the time to reach the end of your degree, you've also learned how to be gracious and modest.
LeeAnne | Email | 04.19.04 - 1:32 pm | #

WELL, LeeAnne, HERE'S WHAT I THINK:

Dearest LeeAnne:

I understand your complaint. You are right. I am cocky, and I am only 18, and I have not yet matured (as I said in the previous entry, I didn’t hit puberty until age 17).

Nevertheless, in my defense, I am hoping that you do not know who I am, because anyone who knew me, personally, would find jest within the commentary. Anyone who knew me would also pick up on the facetious undertones. Anyone with a sense of humor would not “defecate a brick” over this matter.

I do appreciate your supplement to my blog, because no one really leaves comments on my site—it means a lot to me that you did in order to express your livid opinions. My assumption is that you don't know who I am. Ergo, you are probably not Yalie. And, ergo, you probably do not even matter. Besides, if you went to Yale, you would understand the glory found within matriculating here, and would not find it necessary to leave such a statement.

In critique of your choice of arguments, I feel that the allusion to Eminem is very weak: it was a good idea. Eminem is, often times, very classless. But then again, Eminem is also a multi-platinum, multi-millionaire artist. Something you, LeeAnne, could never dare to dream of.

You are, however, very correct in one part. Yale was built on class, distinction and honor. Lord only knows how you knew that much about Yale, let alone what a “TRUE Yale student/grad” is. Yale did not, however, get where it is today by just being *knowledgeable* about this greatness. Take a look at the ranks, missy. Besides, whoever wins just by being *knowledgeable*?

Does Harvard win by doing it? Does Dartmouth win by doing it it? O—wait; you probably would not know what it’s like. Excuse my faulty assumption. To get back on topic, being explicitly *knowledgeable* is a courtesy we, Yalies, taken upon ourselves, so as not to rub it in other peoples’ faces. I did not take this courtesy, because this happens to me my blog.

In the meantime, I will enjoy my education at Yale, and in three years, attain this “so called” grace and modesty for which you so pray.

Go back to your cardboard box.

Love,

Moi (**That is French for "me"),
The Most Classless Future Yale Grad EVER!! (not to mention on financial aid)

isn't it funny...? this feeling inside...

wow. so, at first, i was thinking that i was getting more and more hits per day because, well, i'm popular like that. in the words of froggy, i'm "yale high society" and, ergo, people would visit my blog.

then i realized this sick, twisted, and mild titillating fact: if you search "XXX free kinky porn XXX" on yahoo (go ahead, try it!), my site...YES, i said it...MY SITE will be the first at the top.

so the dramatic increase in blog viewers are porno seeking consumers, looking for "free kinky porn" flanked by a couple emphatic "xxx's" on the left and right hand sides (think queer eye for the straight guy and the two other queers flanking carson in the middle...mind you i said FLANKING, not flogging).

anywho, life is wonderful, especially since i finished my ten page paper. i got some commentary on it from my TA, Gordy, and it all looks pretty good. i noticed a few strange stains on the paper, but i'm guessing they were bits of food...unless someone was trying to "paint the ceiling"...if you get my drift (wink wink, nudge nudge).

i haven't been writing on my blog lately on the weekends. partially because A) i don't wake up until 5 in the evening B) i was really too faded to remember what happened C) i am illiterate, in fact, i actually hired a small monkey to type my blog for me as i speak my sentences--in return for the service, i provide him with a warm place to stay, and left over nuts and berries from dinner. ever since i discovered the beauties of "zantac" (in case you are not familiar and/or cultured enough, zantac is the remedy for the AZN flush), i've been drinking and smoking much more...ya know, to be cool and stuff...and to make new friends and to look really cool and sexy and stuff like that. i do feel bad in a way, because i am a non-smoking control group for a scientific study. o well, as long as i get my 120 bucks, i'm all good. MWAHAH!!

so today is BULL DOG DAYS. for the other 91% of the applied population that could not get into Yale, even if they wanted to (hehe...like my entire high school), its the admitted students day when all the prefrosh come over from all over the world, get naked, and have a huge orgy in the middle of Old Campus, while chanting in sync at the large inflated bull dog in the middle of the yard. all the prefrosh are soo cute and smelly!!

actually, i havent' seen any cute ones yet. we didn't get any prefrosh to house with us because, to be honest, i'm too much of a control freak, in that i would take it very personally if the prefrosh did not decide to come here. THAT'S how much i love my school. granted, in 3 more years i'll be 200 K in debt, it is all worth it in the end because Yale is the shit...so take a whiff. Yale is all that really matters in the world. i know, call me modest, but yale rocks. and all other educational institutions or sad sad excuses for them (cough...college of charleston) will never be able to add up to the wonders and powers that are YALE.

all hail to the great YALE UNIVERSITY. we might be in a shit box, but DAMN we rock.

it's crazy to think that one years to this day, when i was 17 years old, had yet to hit puberty and still watched powerpuff girls, that i could be where i am now. *sigh of relief* life is good.

to all other people at all other schools...there is one thing that i can say to you all:

sorry.

;)

here's a little game for you all. in all of these questions, for 3 of the questions, the answer is "NOT ME"; for all others, the answer is me. have fun, loves.
WHO CALLED THE COPS ON A PARTY THIS WEEKEND?
WHO WANTS TO SMOKE OPIUM AFTER LEARNING HOW TO SAY IT IN CHINESE?
WHO ATE A CUPCAKE THAT FELL ON THE GROUND?
WHO DEALT A DIME BAG OF GONJA?
WHO FELL ASLEEP ON ANOTHER PERSON'S COUCH...AGAIN?
WHO M-BATED ON SOMEONE?
WHO STOLE A BOTTLE OF VODKA FROM A PARTY?
WHO IS GOING OUT TONITE TO GET TRASHED?
WHO TRIED HIS/HER FIRST HIT OF X?
WHO IS SAD THAT THE YEAR IS ALMOST DONE?
WHO CAUSED SOME MAJOR DRAMA BECAUSE HE/SHE IS A LOUD MOUTH?

wha-what!!

who's done with their ten page PAPER?!!?


I AM I AM I AM


who's ready to get phucked up tonite?!?!


I AM I AM I AM


much love.

-joe-

one down...two to go

so...i finished my midterm. i still have a robot to built and a 10 page paper.

my schedule monday was:
9pm to 4 am : STUDY FOR MATH
my schedule tuesday was:
6pm to 6:30 am : STUDY FOR MATH
my schedule wednesday:
2pm to 8pm : STUDY FOR MATH

8:00pm -9:30pm MATH MIDTERM (<-- i know...it's hardly a midterm. it's a misnomer...especially since there are two of them that are unevenly spaced throughout the semester.)

anyway, needless to say, the midterm tore me from the inside out, viserally ravaged my fragile AZN bod, and left me on the street to die (like someone else i know)...hopefully i won't end up in the 2nd quartile...FROM THE BOTTOM, that is, after the test is scaled.

who said being a "bottom" was so bad anyway?

SO...i became an accomplice to 'cello post-math-midterm (around 10 pm) in assassins...me and x-tian were bitched along from OC to BAR back to OC..and finally to Gour Heave at 1 am. we waited outside BAR for literally 2 hours so 'cello could kill the people he was assingned to kill...AND, might i add, thanks to us, 'cello won around hundred bucks for winning assassins.

YAY FOR 'CELLO! DARIEN...WHA-WHAT!!

anyway, finished studying for chinese...and now that is 5 am...i think it's time for bed.

K.Rap brought to my attention that the party in Vandy this friday will be the LAST vandy party...EVER!!...isn't that sad? i'm sad. freshman year is almost over...and, on top of that, so are our days of OC.

Old Campus--how i will miss you so... :(

anyway, time to go get my sleep on. i skipped classes on wednesday, so i feel uber-guilty...and i have chinese homework and a ten-page paper i hope to have finished by Thursday night (...hehe...YEA RIGHT!)

i am excited, however, for Olde Blue tomorrow...the highlight of my week.

guess where you can find ME on a monday night...?

okay, you get three guesses.

where in the world is joe?

1) in another person's bedroom/pants/shower?

NO

2) in the flower lady's bedroom/pants/shower?

NO

3) in the AZN Toad's?

YES

Up until Wednesday, which is the date of my fateful MultiVar Midterm, i will be in the AZN Toads, more familarly recognized as "CCL" or "Cross Campus Library" to those of you who are not as social as you may want to be or are not as social as you wish you were.

anyway, i decided to take a little break. i went to a couple math review sessions today....i tried to sollicit sex for exam answers...but i should've learned my lesson the first time in 3rd grade: you just get screwed in the end, no pun intended.

can i just say...something fucked up happen, and before i even knew it, my blog is clockin in on an average of 30 hits a day. who are you people? who are these 30 kids on average that happen to stumble upon my site?

i am guessing its the "XXX FREE KINKY PORN XXX" that's gettin everyone. HAHA! suckers.

so i went to another math review session today from 7 to 8:30 taught by some english "bumbling idiot" who, while he was english, sounded really stupid and said "uh..." after every other word. he had the handwriting of a fourth grader and the capacity to teach of a child with down syndrome. now that i think about it, maybe he was a fourth grader with down syndrome.

don't get me wrong. he was a good looking chap, which is probably the reason why there were like 10 girls (who, might i add, could also be considered "bumbling idiots") that sat in the room, asked stupid questions, and tried to look as smart as possible in front of the english math teacher. needless to say, i am glad that i have the math professor that i do. and he doesn't make me sleep with him to get good grades...or salvation...

last nite, my roommies and i had a "The Facebook" competition, to see who could get the most friends and highest number of vicarious connections to other people. while i am in the lead, i fear that SportsCenter and/or Juvey might be able to topple my reign, seeing as that they have lots of friends who went to other ivies. at my high school, no one knew what an Ivy was...or how to spell it. oo Nashville, how do i love thee...let me count the ways...anyway; if you go to yale, please sign up. i'll be your best friend forever. and besides, it's free!!

so. to my faithful viewers/people who stumble upon my site...thank you for visiting me. and if you go to yale and you aren't really my friend but i requested you to be on my list, just understand: you are only a number to me, and nothing more; you don't have to worry about me getting too attatched.

keep it real like veal.

yummy yum yum

so i took another psych test today and make 8 buckerooneys.

i am rollin in the dough!!! anyway, i got a call back about another psych experiment, to find out whether or not i was eligible. this included a series of questions like: "do you drink? how often? when was the last time? how much? do you smoke? marijuana? cocaine? heroine? ecstasy? have you had seisures? when? how old were you? how long did it last."

anyway, i pretty much lied my ass off cus when it comes down to it--i want 120 bucks, and ain't no body gonna keep me from it.

went out to dinner today with Bookie and Ollie (yeah---there ya go. your first shout out!). this dinner included some nummy chicken tenders for me and bookie getting her ass pounded by ollie. *gross* i know.

probably not going out tonite. i'm thinkin maybe a little dragon chasing and a little movie. that sounds good to me.

strange occurence of the day:

stacerrama hosted her mom's friend's friend's daughter from long island. the daughter and her mom were visiting yale, and while talking about how competitiveness, she mentioned the name of her highschool: jericho. i remembered that daniel's roommate (yeah...the mean one who makes fun of daniel and threatens that "my daddy will kick you out of UPEnn if you hit me!) also went to jericho.

turns out, after a bit of pondering, daniel's roomie at Penn is the visiting girl's older brother.

*woah!*

it's a good thing i didn't say anything bad...close call.

whoops...i did it again...

yeah.

i went out on a thursday night, but this time, there was NO rendezvous with the porcelain princess, and NO puking...but there was the whole "waking up in a another person's room and trudging back home to sleep in all my clothes and shoes in my bed." but hey!--not so bad for my second night out. what did i do? well, i went to Viva's, did a little tequila, went to Olde Blue, did a little socializing and snapping KRap's bra with one hand (don't ask...) and cock blocking this guy who tried to use the "it's my birthday" line on a bunch of girls...when his birthday ended at midnite. *sad*

$ described Olde Blue as a conglomeration of Yale's High Society, and i, of course, had to agree...only because i was there and knew a good bunch of people, and, ergo, my self esteem was boosted for about 20 minutes until i took that hit of X in the bathroom and snorted a line of coke...and it all went down hill from there. but look on the bright side...at least i'm not pregnant like last time!

here's why i am a bad person:

the otherday, i think it was wednesday, i went to take a psych experiment test for money (kind of like that i time i did that thing for money, minus the open blisters and urinary tract infection). so i went down to the place, took the test and turned it in in about 30 minutes (since you all know i'm a quick guy), and expected the 10 bucks in my hand for the test.

instead, to my dismay, i only received 5 bucks b/c the test was 10 bucks per HOUR. not per TEST like most of the other ones. needless to say, i was shocked. the last time i was this shocked, or more like "was shocked" was when that strange man did that thing with his two fingers and this thing with his pinky...anyway, i asked her "o. well, that was quick. do you have any other tests?" and she was like "uh...yeah. we do. it will take 2 hours. would you like to take it though" and i was like "HELLS YES!!" so i sat in the computer booth, waited for her to leave, started the test...and then took a nap, shat in a basket, did some homework, quickly answered all the questions without even thinking...and before i knew it, it had taken me 2 hours and 20 minutes to the take the test...which equaled in 27 dollars for me!!!!

in essence, i stalled in order to make more money. i left that room with 30 some bucks in my pocket, for doing nothing but click some buttons and finish some homework and take a nap.

i am so smart. wouldn't you agree?? that's why i want to rule the world...and get money by stalling...

tonite, i should stay in a work, but i'll probably just m-bate and runamuck around my room.

...why am i awake...?

god. don't ask me.

it's fucking 3 in the morning. i've been up later, i know. 3 is no strange number in my repertoire of early morning bedtimes, but tonite, seeing as it was my first seder, i thought i'd get an early start to my evening my chizzillin in my bed and getting some early ZZZs, cus, to be frank, school up until it gets out is going to blow. ya know why? 'cus there's a midterm next week...a 10 page paper due the next...and a freaking robot that "deactivates land mines" after that.

but, alas. sleep is a little too much to ask for in the wild wild west. (translation: there was a fucking shit show going in and out of my room. please forgive me, but my hearing abilities have been both a gift and a curse. it is because of my ears that i hear things, and when something is loud, it (this might seem a bit unnatural) WAKES ME UP. I CAN'T EXACTLY SLEEP WHEN A SHIT SHOW IS MIGRATING IN AND OUT OF THE FUCKING ROOM. six words to your mother: "don't be sorry; don't do it.")

anyway, there's my bitch fest, and believe me, in this situation of not only being angry and groggy, it could be a bit worse...but i never intended for the blog to get too personal.

ANYWAY. on a fucking LIGHTER note, i had a first seder tonite.

jews are so neat. i guess 5,000 years of evolution (if thats what you want to call it) creates some interesting traditions. the nastiest thing, however, was the chicken neck on the plate that looked like a strange animal phallus. forgive my wandering mind, God. i know not any better. i got to do the whole pinky dippin in manischewitz, and the crazy wild dancing and naked orgy, and the best part: drinking christian children's blood from a golden chalice in the shape of a brazen vagina. if there's one thing i've learned here at yale, it's that jew's know how to have a good time.

so, what to do now? now that i'm awake and its 3 in the morning, you'd think there was someting for me to do. o wait, a second, I DIDN'T WAKE MYSELF UP.

pissed and moody, tired and exhausted,

joe.

...lesson learned...

ha.

who am i kidding?

so, Thursday night: it was my first time to go out on a thursday night, but i really got into it. after a little run down to Ye Olde Blue, a couple cigarettes, 4 shots of vodka and 2 shots of Sambuca (which, i might add, is a mighty fine drink), i was on another person's couch for one moment...chillin with the porcelain princess the next...back to the same couch until 7:15 in the morning, back to my bed with a crushing headache and nausea like no other.

by 10:30, i was in chinese. yay!

so i took a couple psych tests and made about 20 bucks...and later on, ended up at the Duke's Men performance, where i was gang raped to the max, and nearly passed out. the after party in Morse, as usual, was fun. minus the cheap vodka, but plus the fact that i had recovered well enough from last night to undergo some more poundage (of drinks that is).

BTW, thank god for Zantac 75. you truly make the round go world. yes. i know. i meant to write it like that.

...soo...this brings be back to saturday, which really felt like a sunday for me since my thursday was practically a friday...saturday, i woke up at some ungodly late hour, went to Bookie's New Blue performance, which was really fucking good!! kudos to bookie cookie!!! afterhenceforththereby, i went home to freshen up my cha cha and met up with x-tian and apussy. we then got into a car with a large, strange, black man who took us to Roxy up in NYC.

unfortunately, the BJ balc at Roxy was closed...and all that once was is lost.

alas. what is Roxy without a BJ-less balc. it is nothing.

and, alas, what is McDonald's without a fat Hatian woman? it is still something, but not as much of what it was. or as classy, especially when you walk into a bathroom with two girls taking turns puking into the sink because the toilet is filled to the brim with a conglomeration of poo, toilet paper, urine, hatian jack's face, and small children.

i got back to yale at about 8:00 in the morning, thanks to 'cello's thriftiness and x-tian's impeccable ability to sleep...and piss in one of 'cello's soda bottles.

needless to say, my sunday was a load of shit: woke up at 5:30 pm, ate dinner, studied chinese, played mafia (dip dip, wha-WHAT!), and studied again.

so. that brings us to today.

i went to classes...went to some manufacturing plant in CT for Meng 486, and i blew a couple street whores on the way.

OMG...GUESS WHAT HAPPENED...RUSS

To ESPN: one word. Zimababwe.

WAL-MART KICKED ASSSSSSS AT THE SIMULATION!!

i kicked some ass representing wal-mart...in fact, i kicked so much ass that the CEO of Related Urban asked, "do you actually work for Wal-Mart?", to which i replied, "i'm sure with Garvin's help...i can make that a reality!", to which the class responded with a round of applause, blow jobs and free drugs.

it was the highlight of my night, and by night, i mean life.

my life isn't really that exciting.

anyway, today is a thursday night, and i am planning on doing a little blindy blindy and getting a little drunky drunky if not chasing the dragony chasing the dragony.

sportscenter is addicted to winning on poker. if anyone would like invest, please contact me. he will play for percentage of profit.

anywhoo. i applied for all these psychology studies last night. i hope to be rollin in the dough soon. in fact, i am getting an MRI for 40 bucks. doesn't that rock?? and i am performing services at Roxy on saturday for even more cash. well, not really, but you get my drift.

THANK G-D (as the "o so religious" Bookie would spell it) TOMORROW IS FRIDAY.

btw, n8 at his shit today when mattack, stacerrama and me pulled the prank of the century on him. this prank involved me going to lunch with n8, going back to his room, and n8 happens to walk in on mattack and stacerrama getting it on like donkey kong (and i'm talking like GETTING IT ON!) on his bed. anyway, n8 was shocked, i left and then mattack left and then stacerrama and n8 had some heartfelt discussion where staceramma confessed that she and mattack had been hooking up for 4 weeks. anyway, it was good shit.

fucker!

anyway, x-tian complained about not having enough shout outs. so here we go: x-tian, x-tian, X-TIAN, X-TIAN!!!

btw, i love my suitemates. they are the coolest ever. any girls who want to get with them, please let me know. through a brief screening process through me, i plan on maximizing their hook ups for being the coolest ever.

btw, sorry sportscenter if i jammed your printer. i didn't do it on purpose...or so you think...

last night, sportscenter's Harvard Westlake-ian three-chic-clique friends came over, and i made some new friends/lovers. i must admit, LA girls are the shit. (Joanie, of course, is THE shit.) all i heard from the girls was: "OMG! SPORTSCENTER...YOU ARE SOO SMART!! I WANNA HAVE YOUR BABIES AND BE YOUR CONCUBINE!!" he's used to it though.

i'd best be out. i can't wait to see Luke die on the OC next week. hehe. and the real life Luke (yeah x-tian, you know who i'm talking about) at Roxy.