...trek down memory lane...

here's an essay i wrote for ENGL 120 during the Fall of '03. Che-che-che-che che che check it out!

"Mother Nature’s Best Kept Secret"

            Looking to shed a few pounds off the love handles? Not feeling as confident as you should about your body? Afraid that people aren’t honest when you ask, “do I look fat?”? Searching for a non-surgical, inexpensive way to lose weight and look great?
            The solution is right in front of you. Introducing the newest and, not to mention, quickest way to lose weight since anorexia:

Mal Aria: Mother Nature’s Best Kept Secret

I know what you’re thinking, “Wait a minute. Isn’t that some kind of disease?”
The answer is no. It isn’t a disease—it’s a way of life.

What is it and how does it work?

            Mal Aria is a diet pill unlike any other. The tablet encapsulates a dormant form of an organism that we like to call “Mother Nature’s Best Kept Secret.” Much like a young child or a small pet, this organism needs the help of others in order to survive in this cruel world. Unfortunately, because of its helpless dependency upon others, it sometimes can only find refuge in ugly, mean insects, like mosquitoes. In trying to find more attractive and hospitable homes for this special creature, we mistakenly discovered through intensive lab research that these organisms, in return for a place to reside, actually helped certain mammals lose weight and stay in shape. A remarkable discovery indeed!
            Our scientists undertook the mission of harnessing the miracle worker’s weight loss-inducing capability, so that human beings, like you and me, could safely use it. After many failed attempts at altering the organism’s genomic structure, we realized that this creature was best left in its original form. Thus we came up with Mal Aria, a product that we proudly boast is 100% organic and FDA[1] approved—in other words, unlike most weight loss programs and pills, it’s safe for everyone!

What about the other methods of weight loss?
            In this day and age, plenty of other products that can help you lose weight, like laxatives, fad diets, and eating disorders, but none of them are as safe or as effective as Mal Aria.  
            Sure. Anyone can eat right and exercise—but no one does. Why? Because there isn’t enough time in the day to eat right and exercise. Not only is it frustrating to go to the gym and waste your precious time waiting in line for the elliptical trainer, it is virtually impossible to do all this, as well as shop and prepare your own carefully-balanced meals every day. Additionally, such a lifestyle can be very costly. Monthly membership payments to the gym and the cost of healthy food, like soy products and organic chocolates, and can run you thousands of dollars a year! Mal Aria, on the other hand, is not time consuming. Just two pills a day, one in the morning and one at night, and only a hundred payments of 10 dollars. 
            In addition, the side effects of exercise are dangerous. Dr. Malcom Levine, local dentist with a doctorate in soil analysis, has found that, “Exercise…[is]…bad. You can…die…”[2] In addition to causing an increased heart rate and heightened blood pressure, exercise is known for having negative side effects, everything from sweat to dehydration, and even death. We believe that losing weight just isn’t worth dying for. 
            You also might have heard of other fad diets. Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, Rosie O’Donnell’s Chub Club, the Atkins diet…the list goes on and on. But, what most Americans don’t realize is that these diet programs are “fads” for a reason. “Fad diets” like these go in and out, faster than a one-hit wonder in the music industry. Before you know it, the fad diet you have chosen to endure is no longer “in.” No one wants to deal with the burden of managing social acceptability and weight loss at the same time. Mal Aria, however, is extremely posh and trendy. With every Mal Aria purchase, a free, multi-colored suede purse, both discreet and fashionable, is included. Monsieur Martin Bethenod, chief editor of Vogue, was quoted last weekend saying, “[Mal Aria] is ‘in’. It’s a must…have…” Take it from the chief. Mal Aria, unlike those other fads, will never go out of style.
            I am sure that somewhere down the line you have considered an eating disorder—bulimia, anorexia or even both. What you probably don’t know is that while it only takes a few months to acquire an eating disorder, it takes nearly seven years to recover from it. After you lose the intended amount of weight, you are left with a skinnier body, but a shrunken stomach, depleted esophagus, and psychiatrist’s bills to pay. Because of Mal Aria’s all natural ingredients, it is non habit forming. With an eating disorder, the negative aspects far outweigh the good, but Mal Aria is just the other way around. An eating disorder should only be a last resort. Mal Aria should be your first. 
            Finally, in the catalogue of options, there are surgical weight loss procedures, such as liposuction, stomach stapling, tummy tucks, etc. Invasive surgery, however, is not only risky—its effects are temporary. Though you may lose the 5 lbs from your thighs, you will regain the weight in a matter of weeks. And, unlike Mal Aria, surgery is expensive and inefficient.

So what makes Mal Aria better than the rest?
            Firstly, it is all natural, which means that it is safe for the environment.
            Secondly, it helps you lose the weight, without too much risk of death or the unattractive bodily reactions, like sweat, that come with exercise.
 Thirdly, it is fashionable. The chic, multicolored suede carrying case that is included will ensure that everyone around you is jealous. You’ll never have to worry about Mal Aria being in or out—it’s always cool and socially acceptable to have Mal Aria!
            Lastly, it helps you lose weight—and best of all, it keeps the weight off!
            

Are there any side effects?
            As with any product on the market, there are always side effects. Even fruits and vegetables, according to the Surgeon General, “…are [not] healthy...” As mentioned earlier, the side effects of Mal Aria are minor. Mal Aria essentially works by helping your body burn weight so that you don’t have to make a conscious effort to do so. Because of this characteristic, you may experience certain symptoms, such as low-grade fevers, malaise, muscle pains and chills, but these side effects are no different from the flu, and will sometimes end as soon as you stop using our product. As far as the most severe side effects are concerned, Mal Aria eventually can always never not cause certain organs to stop functioning and will never sometimes not induce a coma, but these cases are not few and not far between. Besides, when one organ is not unable to be functionless, the other organs get stronger! 
            Its greatest effect, however, is going to be an overwhelming amount of self confidence, as the pounds begin to fall and the eyes begin to turn…to look at you!

Is Mal Aria right for me?
            Look at the facts, and decide for yourself—if it isn’t plainly obvious already. Mal Aria isn’t a question of “is it right for me?” It’s right for everyone. It is safe, easy to use, and effective, and will help you lose weight and look great for as long as you live; this is the reason we call it “Mother Nature’s Best Kept Secret.” But, lucky for you—the secret has been revealed, and it’s up to you to take advantage of it. Ask yourself, again, “Is it right for me?”
The answer is: Yes. Yes, it is.
If you, however, still need a bit more convincing, take a look at some of our real life, non-unedited testimonials from everyday people like you and me.  

Jane Doe, age 23
            Salem, Mass.
            “Mal Aria was just what the doctor ordered. Aside from the minor back pains and chills, I have gone from a size 10 to a size 0 in less than 2 weeks. Thanks Mal Aria!”

Esther Ranger, age 18
            New Haven, CT
            “If something sounds too good to be true, it probably is…[but, on the contrary, Mal Aria is true. I love Mal Aria. It’s great and I love it and I use it every day and you should buy it. Buy it now. BUY IT NOW. It helped me shed pounds without the work. I’m not lazy. I’m just busy]. In the ad, it says that Mal Aria is safe, but…it was actually severely… [good].”
 
Bertha McGowan, age 54
            Germantown, TN
            “Mal Aria is [not] dangerous. Be careful [because its effects are awesome]!! It is [not] unsafe…Don’t try it [later; Try IT NOW]!”

Rosita Velasquez Agustina Vendito Mendoza , age 14
            A ghetto in Honduras
            “A mal ária é mortal. Estive doente durante anos muitos. Quase matou a minha família es mortale. Morrerei logo de fome.”
            Translation: I love Mal Aria. Why didn’t anyone think of it before?
           
Supplies are limited, so get your order in now!
 
Mal Aria: Mother Nature’s Best Kept Secret

“It’s not a disease—it’s a way of life.”

[1] Fatal Disease—Ahh!
An organization that classifies the fatal diseases of the world, and advocates awareness and prevention
[2] http://www.mindspring.com/~stardancer/bokrevu1.htm
An excerpted opinion from Malcom Levine’s book review of The Mysts of Avalon

hrmm...SUPPLIES!!!

so. my "suprise birthday party" was quite the success...??

granted i got pretty smashed and fell asleep at like 1 am when all the guests were still there...and granted i was the one who said "SUPRISE!!" to everyone...and granted it was at Neenee Momo's house (and she wasn't even there!), i'd have to say, personally, that the party was a quasi-success.

to note: bapple was house sitting for neenee since neenee's parental units were going to visit her in texass...so bapple (and by bapple, i mean me) threw a party for myself in her house while she wasn't there. kinda weird, but everyone knows neenee's house is practically everyone's house (since we all helped her get her start in the "female escort" service with real life testimonials...like seriously).

i had tons of fun...i think.

here's some pics.

that's just the gang being super "cool" and "neat."


a "starburst shot" from laura's bubbies.


DT-ing a chocolate roll cake.  (believe me...it was a piece of cake~ haha...get it?)


anyway, so those were the highlights. thanks, everyone, for coming to my partay...and for wiping my mouth after you were finished since i was too passed out. much love--

P.S. one thing to be happy about tonite: Dr. 90210 is on!!

this has been...

THE BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!! like seriously.

i have gotten more "happy birthday" phone calls/messages/e-mails/e-cards/blow jobs than i ever have in my entire LIFE.

to everyone who took the time to message me and wish me a happy date of birth: i love you and you forever own a piece of my soul.

to those of you who forgot: it's ok, but i am praying for your demise.

wow. that's sad, huh? anyway...i owe it all to: thefacebook.com-- thank you for making my birthday something worth remembering. us summer-birthday-folk don't get too much credit for being born. i don't get credit at all, cus i was an accident. well, not a real accident. just a little one that got bigger...and bigger...and was finally born to a mother wiht an illigitimate father (Chairman Mao...jkjk).

anywho, today, went to work, had a shitload of contamination which set me back a WHOLE nother week. phooooey. ate some roll cake with the work gang, ate with fam at Carrabbas...my mom likes to take "Carrabbas" and change it to some botched "Corassonas" in funky english.

o- i love my family!

and i'm uber excited for my suprise birthday party at neenee's. best part is: neenee isn't there. bapple is house sitting...and throwing me a bday party.

let's have sex together.

 

yay! it's my birthday!!

will you make out with me? (and my "make out", i mean birth my illigitimate love children).

 

die ashley simpson, die

is it just me or does the idea of "lightly scented kotex pads" not sound very titillating.

ladies?

i mean, you can smell like chamomile, aloe vera, or lavender. how fucked up is that? lord knows i wish i could wake up in the morning to the fresh scent of chamomile slowly permeating from my youthful cha cha.

periods suck. i'm sorry all you bitches gotta deal with them. periods suck and they are gross and are messy and bloody. in the words of a famous nsync song, "god should've spent a little more time on you...and fixing up that that monthly nonsense." god must've been super pissed off when he made ya'll.

and you have to bear children.

and don't you hate people who spell "acceptable" as "exceptable"?? you must have no education to write something, "all i am asking for is a little exceptance. i just want to be and feel excepted. can you just except me?"

haha

whoops

...so i neglected you for a bit...my bad.
 
AND: OMG...Blogger got all revamped and easier to type with!! CHECK IT! i can do italics.
 
this is totally the shit.
 
am i a bad person if, yesterday, i ate:

• A McDonald's Number 5 Chicken McNugget Meal
• A McDonald's 6 piece Chicken McNugget Mighty Kids Meal
• Two Krystal Chics

...i ate them all within 3 hours of each other...and damn...it was sooo yummy -- minus the tummy aches post-devouring the entire heart-attack-in-a-meal. i feel good though. in fact, i feel better than ever!!

so as soon as i get home, i hear my dad mumbling in the background about how "chip (my dog) is soooo crazy." and he walks into the bathroom as if he's about to give chip a bath. i walk into the bathroom, and see my dad tempering the water making sure the temperature is alright, and chip is sitting there with his leash on, wagging his little clipped tail, smiling as if he was SOOO happy with himself.

i asked my dad what happened.

my dad's reply: "chip rolled in poo poo."

my reply: "OMG! that's sooo gross. chip you are a freak! was it his own poo?"

dad: "no. it was someone elses. he just walk up there and smell it and roll in it and is sooo happy."

chip, meanwhile, is still wagging his tail and smiling. i wish i could've capture that KODAK moment. it was soo me in third grade-- rolling in poo and all.

anyway, on another note, work has been wonderful. though its been a bit unproductive and my morale has been somewhat in the gutter, i've had a newfound motivation to work: i only have 3 weeks to prove that my boss's grant will not have been a waste (e.g. if i dont' get any where, my boss is shitouttaluck and will have shat her grant away for nothing). i've been coming up with new ideas for what i am working with, and i've been bathing in compliments by my boss and my microscope teacher about how smart i am.

its just what i like to hear.

i love yale. HERE IS MY OFFICIAL WELCOME, AND "FUCK ME", TO THE C/O 08, NOW APPEARING ON THE YALE FACEBOOK. YES, THE ORIGINAL YALE FACEBOOK. NOT THAT CHEAP ASS "THEFACEBOOK.COM" BULL SHIEIIEAT. and no, c/o 08, i haven't totally gone through the entire 08 facebook with my friends on teh telephone, talking about who's "hot" and who's "not" and googleing the hotties' names to find out what they will be doing, what they've done, where they live, and if they have a past history in the amateur sex business. that doens't make me sound suspicious, does it?

there are soo many hotties (i calculated about 1 in 10) that i can't wait to tap. you better watch out, bitches-- or i'll cut ya up!

so, last nite, me and the boys and robyn and laura had our usual circle jerk in the park followed by a brief session of "dip dip."

that's just the boys, getting ready for the big "game." warming up is important!
 
me and the gals being "doable," which is a usual for us.

me just pulling a "christi hall", if you will.
 
and this is me as a BURRRITTTTO. don't you want to eat me and have the runs as you shit me out?
 
everyone being beautiful again!

i still love my ipod. it makes me exercise and shit. i can't wait to get "physical" at school...with something other than myself (that something referring to exercise).

happy early birthday to me!!

yes...my birthday hasn't quite come up yet (though it will in 10 more days), but i already decided to splurge on my birthday/channukah present and got meself an ipod mini...a green one.

i know i know..."an ipod mini? that's so gay!" but its really cool and handy and portable. at first i was regretting the decision, but now that i have it, i am very happy with my decision. as soon as i got it, i was immediately inspired to walk...

...yes...walk. i took chip, my dog, out and we went running. hopefully this lil' gadget will turn me into a healthy non-fat person. yay!

i reccommend that EVERYONE, and i mean EVERYONE, get an ipod (ipod mini that is!).

so i had to teach a chinese summer camp in the middle of the day...which sucked because i HATE teaching 8-15 year old "know it all" kids...especially chinese ones. ugh. they were so "i know how to do that!" and then i'd say "then show me" and then they'd fuck up and i'd be all "haha! you suck. die."

but this morning, i woke up a bit late but saw that my ipod had arrived, so i was like maybe i can get this thiing working so i can wear it to work and listen to the music...it was a BIT more difficult than that.
1) i try installing it and it stops midway saying that i have a newer version of iTunes on my comp...i figure that this is a minor problem since why would my ipod be incompatible with a never version of itunes?
2) turns out, i was wrong and it didn't work about 3 more times...so i uninstalled the itunes on my comp and reinstalled it with the disk included in the package and FINALLY had the chance to transfer all my music files. this took about half an hour or so.
3) my computer freezes here and there so i do the bootlet reset where i pull out the cord and then the battery (i have a laptop)
4) i try to play the files, but it doesn't work and then i push the "ipod options" button on my comp and:
*BIG BLUE SCREEN: windows has shut down your computer to prevent any more damage. uninstall all antivirus programs. you suck. please contact an administrator*
5) at that point, i shat myself and gave up and went to work at noon...mind you that i usually get to work around 10 but i wasted a bunch of time fucking around trying to get my ipod to work

lucky there were good trouble shooting pages online, so i got my itunes fixed once i got home (...i came home at like 6 cus i was so anxious and clocked in like a 5 hour work day-- better than SOME people i know...ha!).

god i love classical music, especially bach. and i love krystal chicks. i love life.

i hate you.

i saw anchorman last night. Mo Rocca from the daily show was WAY funnier than will ferrel. he gets all my props for being the illest. ya'll should go see it.

tell me who's invited...YOU, YOUR FRIENDS AND MY DICK

yay!!

kanye west was off the "heezy fo sheezy" if you will...it was hella tight and a good bunch of fun...



...i will say, however, that the wait was quite long as we were subjected to a few really lame first acts. the crowd definitely put the "trash" in "trashville" (which included one girl dressed in nothing but a chain link fence with her dinner plate nipples up and at 'em).



good concert.



*my peeps: ryan, seth, azza and daniel*

the bitch, aside from it being really really hot and me being really really sweaty and me being really really tired, was getting to the car...the non-airconditioned car that seth bought years ago...as we slowly (and i mean SLOWLY) trekked out of the parking garage. we were on the second floor...but it did take us a good 30 FRICKIN minutes to get out of the joint. methinks this is why: probably because either A) the woman at the front of the garage was having trouble with all the numbers or B) ONLY ONE FRIGGIN LANE WAS OPEN FOR PEOPLE TO EXIT FROM!!



damn. cashville's stupid.

anyway, i didn't get kanye's sweaty towel...he was probably in a hurry cus he was off to Pareeee (aka Paris). "he does what he wants, BIEEATCh!"

here's the peeps.

...

Here's my blog's birthday present to everyone:

CLICK ME. I'm HOTT!

...and i thought the real dolls were cool...

happy B-B-B-B-IRTHDAY!!!

yay!

it's my blog's birthday! everyone get nekkid and have crazy mad sex.

yay!

anyway, work was a bitch.

getting fruauded on ebay is still underway...

and tomorrow, kanye west is coming.

sorry...i'm sleepy. i'm going to bed.

how i had such a fucking horrible fucking terrible fucking no good fucking very fucking bad fucking day

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

*breathe*

ok. so here's why i had such a bad day. to outsider's eyes, this is a very lame excuse for a bad day, but for me and my life that is my own sitcom, this was (as you can see) a bad fucking day.

here's all the bad things that happened in chronological order:

(1) i had to go to the dentist
(2) i have a jaw problem that cannot be fixed
(3) i have to get my wisdom teeth removed...when i am going to find time to do this, i know not.
(4) my FRET experiment in the lab didn't work
(5) i had someone else make my gel for an experiment (good thing) but the gel was fucked up (bad thing)
(6) i was an hour late getting to the FRET microscope and so someone turned it off thinking i wasn't going to come, so i had to start the whole thing up after waiting 15 minutes.
(7) i got to my car and for some fucking odd reason (considering i drove it at 10 in the morning), my car was dead. Why? because i left the lights on. Dubble Ewe Tee Eff, Mate?
(8) i was EBAY frauded for the first time in my life, when i haven't received my mini Ipod AND two other buyers rated him "BAD" just today
(9) i found out that by mailing my cashier's check via USPS Certified, it tells me WHEN they deliver...NOT when the guy picks up the item (ergo, the address was a PO Box, so he probably swiped the money)
(10) i lost my ATM card

GOOD THINGS:
(1) my mom found my ATM card on the lawn weeks ago, and gave it to my dad to hide
(2) my ipod that i ordered from apple.com has been shipped and will be here on the 12th
(3) tomorrow is the anniversary of my blog
(4) i went out for my first "run" today, and it feels good

QUID AGIS HODIE, MAGISTRA?

Male...(malissime...?)

bingin' like its 1999

so i went on a few binges today:

binge #1: downloading as much porn and oldies as i could humanly possible. i got some neil sedaka, "knock three times", "rose rose i love you"..."one is the lonliest number"..."Ass Masters 11" and "Ass Masters 19"..."so happy together"...it was good fun, and took me back to the days...

"back to the days?", you might be asking yourself.

yes. back to the days. back in the days when i used to ride in the car with the parentals on seemingly endless roadtrips to the deep south (alabama) to see my aunt and fam down there, the car ride was filled to the brim with soda pop, 3 year old candy that my dad liked to eat, preserved chinese foodlings, and oldies music...now, i'm not just talkin' some old music...i'm talking HARDCORE oldies...to the point of obscurity...to the point that there are many songs that won't even downloading because there's only one other person on the network that owns it...for example: neil sedaka's "one way ticket to the blues."

dammit- if i had my ipod, i could start listening right now, but the seller i won the ipod from on ebay is being a douche...he better respond before i cancel the check.

binge #2: trying to contact friends from Governor's school that i did in the summer of 2001. this included a lot of whitepage-ing, reverse phone number lookups and all that stalker jazz, but the person i wanted to get a hold of the most - Megan Walker - is not to be found. ahh! and its killing me.

i mean, i'm an easy person to track...i have a bajillion lettered last name so if you can spell that much, you can find me for the rest of my life...not to mention a distinct screen name and porno site. i mean, one kid i was trying to track lived in a city that doesn't even exist anymore...can you imagine that? sucks, huh.

anyway, i hope to be famous so that all these peeps will get a hold of me and we can have a huge orgy in some new york mansion like we did at camp...

keeping up with the trends...

so, as promised, i have decided to write more in my blog...

...i do not know if this will hold true, but i'll promise as much as that time i said i'd take care of my half of the child support. is that a good thing or a bad thing, i do not know.

so last night, i spent it at helen's house, since her parentals were out of town, and requested a big strong man (erg...moi?) to stay in the house with her. our night was composed mostly of her writing her US History paper for summer school on the native americans and talking on the phone to high school friends. but i did get to take a "totally AZN" pic of us together!



today at work, i had a bit of a scare...as you can see. no worries: i do not have congenital SARS for being Chinese.



so i'm chillin in the lab like a villain, about to do a DNA digest...so i have to put a few tubes into a 37 degree celsius water bath...as i open the top of the bath, i notice the thermometer and say to myself "hm...why is this iat 90 degrees celsius?" due to the fact that the water level was extremely low, i was thinking that maybe all the heat got really concentrated (...like 30 degrees more concentrated...?), so i pulled out the thermometer and started shaking it to reset the mercury...BUT, it was moving really really slowly downward...so i shake some more, but all of a sudden, the mercury goes up. hmm...

so Yelena asks me why i'm shaking that think like a dog humping a leg, and i explain the story...she looks at the thermometer and says "'cus its broken."

thus there was a mercury scare in the lab, and i was hoping men in hot space suits would come save the day...unfortunately, the boss wasn't gonna have none of that, so she secretely called some services to come clean the beads of mercury in the water bath...hopefully, i don't have lovely ions of mercury chillin on my (well, one of my fave) fave shirt and jeans that are evaporating as we speak into my room and will cause my testicles to fall off and make a new tree ornament.

pray for me.

anyhow, as i was singing "blowing in the wind" to myself, i realized a huge mistake i have been making my entire life. is the chorus supposed to go: "the answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind" as in "the answer is actually BLOWING into the wind..." like "BLOWING into a straw..." or "to blow into the wind" OR is the chorus saying "the answer is literally blowing in the wind" as in "the answer, which is blowing in the wind..." does that make sense? please post answers so i can sleep soundly tonite.

BTW: frankie on "2 Punk Rock 4 This: the Real World San Diego Reunion" is still a freak. why did this season suck so much? GOD i hate stupid people. at least brad is 8 inches, stacked, right? HA.

and, another side note, HOW GOOD IS "BLOW OUT" ON BRAVO? god i love bravo reality TV...whether its show biz moms and dads or the restaurant, bravo is the shit.

"Dudu dun dudu dun dudu dun dun dun...!"

i know...its a bit hard to verbalize and the type a song, but what i just recently sung in the title of this entry was "William Tell"! yay for america!



(actually, post-viewing Fahrenheit 9/11...not completely "yay for America", but i am chill with saying "U S A! U S A! U S A!" like that scene in Reno 911...")

anyhow, i thought it would only be appropriate for me to write an entry for the good ol' US of A...besides, i think i started writing in my blog around this time, so this would be my first anniversary! HAPPY ANNIVERSARY BLOG! i'm glad i'm the only one who seems excited by this fact.



i have decided to sign up with shutterfly! since receiving my awesome little AZN 4.0 MP digicam that fits in an altoid can and into a rectum. i have been taking a lot of friggin pics, so if i can turn this blog into a quasi-photoblog, i might feel a bit more inclined to write in it. i feel like this blog needs to be taken to the next dimension, if you will...no more of that pussy "purely text" blog bull shit. this blog is going through puberty! (a stage, might i add, that i skipped at some point in my life)

so fourth of july, suprisingly, was really really fun, and as lame as i may feel for saying that, considering the fact that the people with me could have very well decided taht their 4th of july SUCKED, i will admit i had bunches of fun.

so i met up with bapple around noon with oraLaura to head out to Beah's house for her little b-day bash, where we tried to play Cranium, ate home made ice cream and grilled veggie burgers, and i played with their mini-toy-daschund, Noodle! Noodle! isn't that the cutest name, ever?



after that, bapple went with me to lab where i had to transfect some cells and infect some mice with my man juice (ew, not really) and then we met up at Robyns house to go see fireworks. i was lucky enough last nite to acquire a nice little flat tire along the way, to which my father responded in broken engrish "I TOLD YOU TO CHECK THE AIR PRESSARE!" and i said "...so if i checked the air pressure before i left, i could've prevented a flat tire from happening...hmm..." anyway, long story short, i'm an ass to my dad. sorry, pops. i love you- i swear.

so at robyns -- former MLK High School student about to matriculate at Belmont next year-- we met up with azza and seth -- good high school buds at UW and Auburn, respectively-- and picked up a couple blasts from the past, elliot and chris -- my former Governor's school compadre / amazing artist attending Art Institute of Chi-town (aka Nossi, college of art...haha!) and a former MLK c/o '02 alum majoring in arhcitecture at UTK, respectively -- and M.Cover -- some highschool kid from MLK who won't be graduating for another year...HAH! but, since he's Yale material, i'm planting the seeds early and hoping to lug him over to the wonders that are "The Yale". I probably need to blow good ol' jimmy nondorf just to ensure that admission happens- hah.

anyway, we went out to old-money white nashville...o, i mean Belle Meade, to watch the fireworks, where bits and pieces of burning ash fell on my head. i don't know if that is a sign, but i tried not to be that sacriligious. besides mentioning the fact that i should've brought my white van and some candy to lure all the kids into my world of fun in never never land, and commenting on the fact that the only thing that would top of the night would be a good lynchin, and making fun of how white belle meade is and how i was probably going to be a decoration on someone's mantel after that night, i didn't think that i really deserved attacks by firework ash. i thought it was a very "Moses and the Plagues" moment, so i commended God for really adding an extra dimension to the night with the falling ash. elliot, in fact, caught one spark in his hat, to which i replied: "can you catch a falling star, and put it in your mouth? SUCH IS THE MANGO! NO!"



after that, we went to wendy's where bapple showed every one his lame-ass electric fly swatter that he used to kill this cockroach that came out of his ass and wouldn't die. i know- sounds like fun, huh? wendy's on the 4th? what could be better? post-fast-food, we went back to the chris and ell's house, checked out ell's artwork, made fun of george dubble-Yah, and went to Whitworth, a white people's country club pool...



...at that point, we made out, since it was a sausage fest and robyn was the only vagina there, and played lots of "dip dip" (which is a completely non-sexual game). in addition to lots of witty banter and even more laughs, we had a great time as the boys, so nonchalantly, did the whole "o- let's go swimming...or not..." as they took off their shirts, and put them back on, in an effort to have a ligit excuse to derobe. the point of that behavoir? i am not quite sure, considering there was only one girl with us.

we all soon departed after hours of fun in the closed pool, and bapple and i went over to tamtam's, where i took shots of Bailey's Irish Cream with her, ate Tang Yuan, made fun of bapple, ate "Dino critter chicken nuggets", and played lots of mario kart and super smash bros...games that i completely and utterly sucked at. here's a shout out to tam tam's pet gerbil, lumpy..."I HOPE TAM TAM CLEANS YOUR CAGE!"



so i ended up back home at like 4 in the morning, and crashed in my bed. now, i'm just waiting for shutterfly pics to load up, so i'll have even more cool stuff to show-- and lots of nude kiddy porn (that was a joke. i don't want to be raped with a lawsuit.)