Right now, I am waiting in the KansASS city airport for my plane to get in so that I can head back home for NashVegas (aka CashVille).
And, as all of you might have realized by now, I like to write in my blog while I wait in the airport because the airport is so goddamn boring! Here is a mild chronicle of events of my trip to cali.
As soon as school got out, I caught my flight to San Jose where I chilled with the fam…it was a really good experience for me, because, for the first time in my life, I was able to talk to my grandparents (my mom’s parental units) in some cohesive Chinese. My mom was very proud of me, as were my grandparents and extended family. I got to see my new baby cousin, Austin, for the first time…he’s 2 now, and is soo adorable!! My grandma (aka meemaw, cus that’s how we Chinese folk like to address our grandmothers) has lost her short term memory, so I had to remind her over and over who I was and what my name was and that I went to Yale, and every time I mentioned Yale, she would say “wow! That school is very famous! Even in Taiwan, we knew about Yale!” which made me feel good and just increased the already propagating hubris I had in my conscious mind for Yale.
Anyway, after San Jose, my mom drove me out to Orinda, CA to meet up with Cheesey…so I met up with Cheesey at about midnight on Thursday, unpacked my shit, crashed, and here are the events of my San Fran trip:
Friday:
We woke up and went to Santa Cruz beach, where I turned tricks on the corner, and we rode roller coasters, each other, and walked on the loverly beach—ultimately falling asleep on the sand by the water and making Cheesey’s sister’s friends think that Yalies are absolutely lame. There were these stands where you could get a tattoo…AND, as usual, they had Chinese characters…most of which were incorrect, and besides, who would want to have “Demon” or “Dog” tattooed on their bodies? Let alone, “Golden Showers”…yes, my friends, apparently there is a Chinese word for “Golden Showers” and it was important enough to be added on the repertoire of tattoo options. Hmm…maybe it means something else in Chinese. We went to go pick up a friend of Cheesey’s sister from UC Santa Cruz, so that we could go clubbing in the city that evening!! We went to “The X” and danced our little hearts out…thanks to Dalia (Cheesey’s sister’s friend) we were able to get on “the list” and didn’t have to wait in line. The club was pretty trashy…I was surprised to see that they had a man stripping in one of the cages, since clubs in Nashville don’t even let men up on any type of platform. Anywho, the strangest visualization was this strange old Filipino-looking man who wore glow sticks on his black cargos and a mesh shirt that only covered his chest who danced by himself on one of the platforms. Need I repeat that this was a straight club, so I was estranged to see so many scary homos on the dance floor. I guess that’s san fran for you! We all still had an awesome time!
Favorite joke(s) of the day:
Dalia asks: “What do you get when you put a baby in a blender?’
I respond: “What?”
She says: “An erection.”
Dalias asks: “What is the best part about an 8 year old?”
I respond: “What?”
She says: “Everything!”
Dalia asks: “What is the best part about twenty-eight-year olds?”
I repond: “What?”
She says: “There’re 20 of them!”
I cracked up like no other and even began to cry…O dead baby jokes and sick child molestation gags…what would I do without you?
Saturday:
We didn’t wake up as early as we had wanted, but we met up with Sooch at the Bart station and went into the city to party it up!! I did most of the shopping as we perused through Neiman Marcus, Miss Sixty, Diesel, Lacoste, Burberry, etc. I bought a new orange Lacoste polo, which is tiiiight, and remained to suppress the sudden urges to grab what I wanted and run out the door—it made me mad that I didn’t have indispensable amounts of dough (even though I’ve been selling my body for 30 years now) to buy whatever the fuck I wanted…Diesel…Energie…Mister. Marcus…I will be with you as soon as I am able to bank large amounts of cash with some 6-digit paying job!! We also stopped into Chinatown, where I was able to show them the first brothel I worked in, and I was able to order Chinese food from the restaurant “Gold Moutain” in my broken but mildly comprehensible Chinese! I was so proud of myself. That evening, we went into the Metrion where we played a bunch of free Playstation games, and I reaffirmed my future goal to one day work for Sony, cus, dammit, Sony is just so goddamn cool! This was the largest mistake of the night:
We went to see Troy. Yes, yes…I know…Brad Pitt…Orlando Bloom…Eric Banas…the gratuitous groin shots and sweaty bodies…it was practically soft core (not to mention one of the hottest sex scenes b/w Achilles and Briseis…but not as hot as Cold Mountain)…but I, in all of my sexual charged-ness, hated it. It was stupid, the dialogue was horrible, and the editing was awkward. I thought of a slimmer more swift and cunning version of Achilles—not Brad Pitt. Orlanda played a good pussy, Eric Banas played a jacked Hector…and the movie was absolutely inaccurate. I think they should have taken the time to write an entire new movie. Needless to say, I didn’t NOT like the movie because it was not accurate, I just didn’t like it cus I didn’t think it was edited very well. I give it a 4 out of 10, strictly for the eve candy.
In other news, I hear that Brad Pitt is taking a year off from his o-so-strenuous acting career to be an architect: under the apprenticeship of Frank Gehry. I don’t know if Gehry is a Yale grad, but when he comes back to speak again, I sure hope he brings Brad. We could be besties!
Sunday:
Went to Berkeley, CA…initially, I wasn’t so exciting, but it ended up bring REALLY fucking cool. We went shopping on Telegraph Vanue, which was full of lots of “thrift stores” and by “thrift stores” I mean places with thrift-type clothing that costs 15-20 dollars…so it’s not really thrift any more, it’s “thrift.” So I ended up spending around 120 bucks just buying “new” clothes up the wazoo…we ate at a thai restaurant and bought some boba tea and chilled out on UC Berkeley’s campus green, were Sooch, Cheesey and I ended up all falling asleep. On our way back to the car, we passed by a bunch of freaks (apparently, the freaks come out at night) and made our way back to Cheesey’s house to eat BBQ. That evening, Cheesey’s sister reserved us tickets at “Punch Line”, which is a comedy club up in San Fran, so we went to go see that eclectic mixture of crazy ass comics. It takes a lot to make me laugh (mostly dead baby jokes), so I didn’t “LOL” too much at this show, but it was still fun. They charged us a two drink minimum, so we ended up spending around 15 bucks (including the ticket price) for the show. Since we ended up getting really close seats, I was molested twice by the comedians, who asked “how did you end up with two beautiful ladies?” to which I replied “I have a lot of money.” Some of the comedians were real freaks…others were awkward and I tried not to make eye contact so as not to encourage them to talk to me again. Lots of masturbation jokes…statutory rape jokes…knocking up their gfs/wives jokes…lots of Mexican jokes…and black ones, too…it was all too predictable, but it was a fun experience.
Monday:
This is today. I had to board quickly, so I am continuing this entry in the airplane, trying to resist the temptation to drop a rock of hydrogen into the toilet bowl and watch the thing go KABOOM in the plane. Anyone else have the same cravings?
I have been obsessed, by the way, with “Defying Gravity” from “Wicked: The Muscial”…it’s all I listen to…in fact, it may be taking over my life!! Ahh! Going home is going to be boring…lots of work and bjs for no pay. Sheeat. I am hella psyked for Tibet, though!
