boop boop ee doop

okok. so, lemme try this out. seeing as that i'm a whore for attention, i have decided to send everyone an e-mail of senseless blabber. you see, i only write when i know people are reading. i'm too lazy to write for rumpus and too sexy to let my thoughts pass by without writing it down. since diaries are fruity and my blog (my online journal, which has died since i came to college) is too obscure here, i will write like this.

FEEL FREE TO E-MAIL ME AND SAY: "TAKE ME THE FUCK OFF YOUR E-MAILING LIST" ...and it will be done. no hard feelings. i might cry naked in the shower for a couple hours, but its all good...

so its 1:30am, which is nothing comparable to last nite's 6:30am rambling.

a few thoughts:
First of all, i have been pleasantly suprised by the amount of hot people at yale. does any one else agree? i have a feeling that my HS had too many uglies, including myself, so thank you for being my friend, even when i am no hottie. it means a lot that our friendship(s) can be built upon more than my "hot-piece of A" bod, because i know that i am only friends with ya'll for your bodacious bodays. anyway, do people agree? yalies aren't that ugly...or fat for that matter.

quote for the day/night, depending on when you read this:

DON'T HATE, FORNICATE

its a mantra we should all live by. the world would be a lot happier, would it not? (while happier, there would be a lot more STDs...so don't forget to bring a condom or a piece of saran wrap!) so next time you feel that urge to punch someone in the face (like me) or slap some stupid bitch (e.g. bianca), just take 10 deep breaths, look for the nearest orifice...and HUMP AWAY. **please, only human orifices. no animals. that's just sick...unless you don't consider monkey's as animals...hmm...?**

and with that, i'm out like trout- yo..."holla back, bloood"

-jap's eye afinyanafongs-

PS Can i just say, orifice is such a good word: according to Meriem Webster, it means: "an opening (as a vent, mouth, or hole) through which something may pass"

in the words of Nancy Kerrigan, "Why me??"

oh my god...or "oh my goodness"(<--thats for you staceramma).

please, look at the time dated at whence this e-mail was sent.

no, your eyes are not deceiving you. yes, it says something like "06:35".

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!! WHY AM I STILL AWAKE?!?!?!

the swimmers, for example, are practicing as i senselessly type.

and the best part is:

i still have to study for a fucking chinese quiz.

by the way...have i failed to mention that : I HAVE NO TIME MANAGEMENT SKILLS?!?!

and it doesn't help that i can go for very long hours without any sleep. so when its, lets say, 3 in the morning and i haven't started to work, i think to myself "well, classes start at 9...i still have 6 hours! i'm good."

tomorrow is going to be a long day.

this e-mail is written to let you know how important you all are to me (well, not really. i just like to be a drama queen). but, seriously, think about it: i would rather make small talk with you and stay up this late/early doing my homework, than to not see you at all. sweet, isn't it?

while i hate coffee, i'm getting a feeling that its going to be my best friend CONSIDERING my first break tomorrow is at 1:20 pm but i have a 3:30-5:30 lab. hrumph.

anyway, i'm going to go now...and study chinese. have you thought about it? most people do what i am doing now 12 HOURS AGO!! well, not "most people"..."normal people." what's wrong with me?

ok. now i'm going to go for real. sorry to the brits for being so over- dramatically american.

-joe-

PS this list of people to which this e-mail is not exclusive. i just typed in the names of people i knew/knew how to spell.

stacerrrrrrrrrramammamama

i must have failed to mention:

Tomorrow, the vandy suite is open for rear entry...what i mean by rear entry is that it is just open, but i thought it would be funny to say "rear entry". so, anywhoo, my roomies, all of whom are pledging for SAE, are going to be staying in the SAE House tomorrow night, therefore, irrevocably, ergo, quid pro quo...I HAVE THE WHOLE DAMN FUCKING SUITE TO MYSELF. need i repeat it again.

I HAVE THE WHOLE DAMN VANDERBILT SUITE TO MYSELF.

Cum one. cum all...(over the place that is). it's party time on a thursday night in the Vandy suite. nothing too big/well hung, but i'm thinkin slumber party and/or mass orgy. no, seriously...about the mass orgy part.

i know what you're thinking! well, worry not!- i already invited Jordana Brewster and Sarah Hughes and the Bushes.

and remember...BYOB (bring your own blow-up-doll)

getchyo homework done early, and we can throw a big ol' bruhaha up in
herrrre.

from the bottom of my heart,

Sir Joseph Afinyanafongs, Future Heir to the Throne of Thailand

PS pass on this message to all your friends and cuntrymen.

Interview with the Vampires:

1) How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
Nate: 878, i counted when i was in 7th grade.
Stacey: 3...the commercial said so.
Nate: "How many licks does it take till you get to the center of my clit..."--Lil Kim (granted he does not have a clit)

2) If you had to kill one entire species of creature, what would it be?
Nate: Flying centipede that invade my room in L Dub
Matt: umm...Harvard students

...thats it for now...folks.

-joe-

tired

dearest blog:

i am so fucking tired today. last night i was up until about 5 am...mainly because i was social butterflying instead of doing my homework.

guess what?

nope. you missed it.

guess again?

no. you missed it again...well, i'll tell you something neat.

the neat thing is that ALL of my roommates have pledged SAE. who knew? if someone had told me that i would be rooming with 3 bratty fratties, i probably would have shot myself. but now, i think i'll just slowly put myself to sleep...its a slow, painless death. haha. for their sake, i don't put them in the bratty fratty category, but its such a clever way to describe a frat boy (mainly because it rhymes) that i use it in my writing.

well, everyone is at home right now. i'm studying, the other 3 are "studying", too. i'm not sure if they are working or avoiding the fact that in less than 3 hours, they are going to find out who gets tapped and who doesn't.

i hate to say it, but it'll blow if not all 3 of them get tapped. its like saying "we liked you, but not enough." its like me not getting into a Improv Group...WAHH!

anywhoo--last night, i tried branching out to my fellow Branfordians, and made a few new acquaintances. i knew it was weird when i went to a Saybrook party Ho-Down, and knew EVERYONE...and went to a Brandford Pizza Dinner...and knew no one. i sure am a Saybrook groupie, kind of lame, isn't it?

but i've noticed its a bad habit most cannot deny. i have met around 4 other Saybrook groupies, so i'm not the only one. i'm wondering during sophomore year if i can live with Saybrugians and be a Branford. that would be cool, b/c i'm not meeting anyone who i think would want to room with me next year and/or visaversa.

life is good though. big big big chinese test on wednesday. tomorrow, i have English 120: Modern Prose, and i get my grade back for my paper...i hope its good. *crosses fingers and picks nose simultaneously*

i'm sorry my blog is so dry. i really am. i'll try to keep up better with it.

if you want a funny story, just call. i have plenty of them...especially the one(s) about ESPN and the "Porcelain Princess".

with all my heart and soul *gag*,

-joe-

BTW: i love my school. can i say it enough? GO BULL DOGS!! Jeopardy! and Darrel Hammond are coming to Yale!! could things get any better? they sure can b/c our res. college gets 10,000 dollars to spend on socials. doesn't that rock?

yale rules, everyone else drools...especiall the ones hit by Hurrican Isabel.

A Letter to the Editor

This is an article in the "Yale Herald" about my room:

Vanderbilt: New digs, old stories

BY ALEKSANDR BIERIG

A freshman in Vanderbilt is like a mule with a spinning wheel—no one knows how he got it, and damned if he knows how to use it. Only a week or so in, the Vanderbilt life has been a radically different experience than the other dorms on Old Campus or Swing Space. We have the strange experience of knowing that no one before us has stayed in these rooms, at least in their current sparkling condition. No one has slept in these beds, put posters on these walls, or hauled couches up these stairs. The new Vanderbilt is a far cry from the one in the stories most of us have heard (and some upperclassmen have experienced) of a dilapidated and disintegrating building.

Of course, with the pleasures of brand new rooms come responsibilities. When the duct tape rips the paint off the walls, we can't blame it on those guys who lived here last year, and when a screen inevitably falls out of the window, there is no question as to whether or not it was there at the beginning of the year. One former occupant of my room came by to tell us of the old conditions: crumbling walls, floors in disrepair, and, pre-renovation regulations being all but nonexistent, several holes in the walls that his roommate had drilled in order to route 1,000 feet of ethernet cable through the room. We now have wood paneling on our common room walls, along with brand new furniture and hardwood floors.

From our stance it is hard to imagine former conditions just a few years ago, yet the residences are more than 100 years old. With so much time comes much history and legend. The building itself was originally built around the turn of the century by Cornelius Vanderbilt in memory of his son William Henry, member of the class of 1893. (Some may find it odd that Cornelius gave the building to the University, as his son died after contracting typhoid fever from one of the University's water pumps.) Included in the Vanderbilts' plan for the dorm was for one suite to stand out among the rest—the famed Vanderbilt Suite, now known as VC21. This second level room over the archway in the center of the building has been historically given to any Vanderbilt heir entering the college. It is noticeably detailed, with dark wood paneling, floorboards with dark and light wood accents, and an attractive lamp hanging from the ceiling. "Joe Afinyanafongs", "Juvey", "Sportscenter" and "ESPN" are the lucky occupants of the room this year, although none of them, to my knowledge, has any connection to the Vanderbilt family.

The story of one former occupant of the suite is especially interesting. When women first entered Yale, Vanderbilt was a generally secluded dorm, and thus was made into the all-women's dorm, protected with a gate that was locked at night. But that year, a Vanderbilt heir was also entering the University, and he sued for the right to stay in his family's beloved suite—and won. Describing himself as the "luckiest man on campus," he went on to marry one of the women he met while staying in Vanderbilt.

This story embodies what might be called "the Vanderbilt experience," which seems to mirror the experience of the college as a whole: tradition and history coexisting with modern times and modern students. We can only hope to create our own history within these walls.

THIS IS MY RESPONSE TO THE LETTER:

A Letter to the Editor:

We are writing to voice our displeasure with the recently published article titled, “Vanderbilt: New digs, old stories.” Though we were excited to see the amount of interest manifested by such a poignantly written article, we were concerned with a few flagrantly erroneous factoids.

First of all, the room number in which we reside is, in fact, VC22. We are disturbed by the error in the article, for those who wish to see the Vanderbilt Suite may, in theory, find themselves misplaced across the hall in the rat infested, cesspool of VC21. We not only fear for the safety of those who find themselves lost, but for the loss we may experience from missing the opportunity to convene with potentially inspiring acquaintances.

Second of all, one of our beloved suitemates’ names was speciously spelled “Joe Aphin-yanaphongs”, when, in actuality, his name is spelled “Joe Afinyanafongs”. Presenting his name in such an invalid condition could become (aside from being a highly indignant misnomer) a potential hazard to his social life and mental health.

Lastly, we came across another malapropism in the quote “none of them, to my knowledge, has any connection to the Vanderbilt family.” While this is a believable assumption due to the nature of our surnames, the real, and seemingly illegitimate, Vanderbilt in this room is Aaron Samuel Bender. It is said that Cornelius Vanderbilt’s father, Chandler Vermillion Vanderbilt, had a brief, but passionate, tryst with his daughter’s chambermaid, Lucinda Veronica Samuel. Hence forth, irrevocably, Aaron was bequeathed with the middle name Samuel in order to commemorate the family name of his long deceased grandmother.

We, and our committee of aldermen, have collectively decided that the best course of action to repair this conglomeration of inaccurate and untrue particulars is to republish the entire article, including this letter of disdain, with all aforementioned concerns completely repaired.

It should also be mentioned that the newest member of the esteemed Vanderbilt Suite is none other than Spider Man himself, who dangles gracefully from the archway of our lovely estate to maintain order and stability over all of Old Campus. Nota Bene: one must be aware that this is, in authenticity, the real Spider Man, and none of that Toby McGuire BS.

Thank you very much for your time and we are excited to see the republished corrections in the next edition of The Yale Herald.

With love,

Aaron Samuel Bender
Russell “Ace” Kempf
William Shawn-Patrick Gurman
Joseph Phoniphithyanapruya Afinyanafongs III

i'm a murderer!!

So...i'm chillin' in these girls' room (Stacy, Ashely, Bri, and Sarah) and sitting across the room, i see this clear, cylindrical container with a red top and a red bottom.

So i say to my friend, Stef, who is over by the weird contraption, to flip over the cylindrical thing.

i thought it was one of those little oil/water things where you can see the oil float to the top through an intricate display of spirals and bubbles...(i hope that makes sense. if you dont' know what i'm talking about, i know you've seen it before)...

so anyway, Stef flips the thing over, looks at me and points at his hand.

"it's leaking" he says to me.

to which i reply, "Stacy, your oil contraption thing is leaking"

Stacy turns around and says:

My SEA MONKEYS!! YOU KILLED MY SEA MONKEYS!!

**and scene**

i killed her sea monkeys. well, its more like stef killed them because i didn't really flip the damn thing over.

and with that, i shall bid thee all adieu.

sorry!!

i know kids. its been a while...but its been a really tough week. i don't even know where to begin.

well, two of the 4 courses i had wanted to take fell through...so i had to create an entirely new schedule.

Here's what i'm doing now:

Modern Prose: Advanced Writing
Close study of selected works of twentieth-century nonfiction both as literary achievements and as models for the student’s prose. Frequent writing assignments designed to develop a command of various styles and forms.

Introduction to Graphic Design
A studio introduction to visual communication with an emphasis on the principles of the visual organization of design elements in order to communicate a message to a particular audience. The course includes shape, color, and communication; visual hierarchy; word/image relationships and integration; typography; symbol design; and persuasion. The aim of the course is to develop a general understanding and a verbal and visual vocabulary to describe, generate, and evaluate basic graphic design objects from a conceptual, visual, and technological point of view.

Feral Robotics
An interdisciplinary studio-based course designed to provide a combined experience in engineering design and sociotechnical analysis. Students upgrade the function of a commercially available robotic dog to a data collection instrument and information display device for exploring a specific site.

Intermediate Chinese for Advanced Learners
The second level of the advanced learner sequence. Intended for students with intermediate to advanced oral proficiency and high elementary reading and writing proficiency. Students receive intensive training in listening, speaking, reading, and writing, supplemented by audio and video materials. The objective of the course is to balance these four skills and attain an advanced level in all of them.

so thats my course schedule. tomorrow i have chinese and english...and friday i only have chinese. i'm soo happy!!! my school rocks! its soo close to party time!!!!! i'm totally psyked!

i might be taking a trip to NYC soon with Bonkie to get my fake ID. i hope it actually happens *crosses fingers and licks tongue seductively*

well, right now, i'm just chillin in my room.

i auditioned for 4 improv groups, but was only called back to 1. i went to the call back audition tonite...and it didnt' go very well...i'm not grounded enough in theatre and theatrical literature to be really good at improv.

i suck.

but i know i'm still funny...right? i'm funny...i think i am at least.

well, i knew it was a bad sign when one of the members of the improv group said "well, it was great meeting you" aka "sorry bud. better luck next time!!"

sucks doesn't it?

course schedule

soo...my course schedule, as of now, looks like:

MONDAY:
9:30-10:20 Modern Chinese for the Advanced Learner
10:30-12:20 Introduction to Graphic Design (assuming that i am accepted)

TUESDAY:
10:30-11:20 Modern Chinese for the Advanced Learner
11:30-12:45 Modern Architecture
1:30-3:20 Creativity and New Product Development

WEDNESDAY:
9:30-10:20 Modern Chinese for the Advanced Learner
10:30-12:20 Introduction to Graphic Design (assuming that i am accepted)

THURSDAY:
10:30-11:20 Modern Chinese for the Advanced Learner
11:30-12:45 Modern Architecture

FRIDAY:
10:30-11:20 Modern Chinese for the Advanced Learner

...feeling lucky...

ok. so i'm sitting in my room, and my 2 of my suite mates and these 2 girls from next door and this guy from next door are watching requiem for a dream.

today, it hit me. i am so fortunate to be where i am.

i met in the morning with Bonkie, and ate breakfast...went to class...hung out with her and Stef and Oli (the two brits). on the way back, i put on my earphones, and sat down to take a survey on the Cross Campus Green for a free Snapple.

i looked around myself and thought "it doesn't get much better than this".

i took a walk down to the Yale Art Gallery to look at some things for my first Intro to Graphic Design Project...

from my desk, i look out over Old Campus...and i see lush green trees and people playing frisbee, talking...orgy-ing...having a good time. yale is amazing. the people here are so glad to be here...like me.

i am so happy to know that i made the right choice. i am so lucky to be here...and for that, i am happy.

enough with the sentimental shit- TONITE IS PARTY NITE!!!

*glitters with excitement*

"these are so good, they make my whole head feel good. like seriously...my whole head."

ok. i wrote this passage a while back, and saved it and never updated or completed it. so here it is:

howdy doody bloggidy blog.

well, right now i am sitting under the archway of vanderbilt hall. the roomies are still in the room sleeping b/c its really early. i had to get up, and now i'm waiting for the mommas and the poppas to get here so that we can go shopping.

my laptop is soo cool! its such a wonderful freedom to get on here and start writing whenever i want. and besides, i makes me look really important while i sit and type like i am soo cool--b/c i am soo cool!!

yesterday was a bit different. talking to MLK peeps online was weird b/c everyone was really busy. i had just gotten in around 1:30 pm b/c the bus that was to pick us up from the farm was very very late. sportscenter marked his territory on the bottom bunk by pissing on it (like any normal human being would!). luckily, i got to have the mini walk in closet...thats about 4 by 4 by the ceiling (which is really high).

juvey is a pretty chill guy. and espn is a lot buffer than he looks in the facebook-- he definetely looks like he should be running for yale. i kind of lucked out b/c all of my roomies are genuinely nice people. i don't see that much drama going on...and if there is any drama, i'll prolly be the one that causes it.

harvest was amazing. i know i dogged on it b/c it was much different than what the pamphlet claimed it to be. the meals were "legendary", but not in the way that the pamphlet described. i was thiking we'd be chillin on some farm with baskets of cornucopious horns and picking fresh vegetables in the farm for the farmer's wife to fix up...i was thinking pot roast and roasted potatoes and tons of good stuff. instead, we had boxes of preserved foods and fruits that the counselors, Earth Mother and Sky Father, whipped up for us. we had apple turnovers, cous cous, hummus, sex, quesadillas, sex, lots of water, fresh raspberries, and sex to name a few.

i still woudl like to know what exactly i paid 330 dollars for...bc there was nothing involved in harvest that seemed to have been worth that much. instead, i felt like a friend-whore since the 330 dollars technically went to making friends for me. i was really grateful that the people i got to meet were really really cool. i created archetypal names for all of them (well, most of them), b/c that just seemed to be the cool thing to do. eg, Becca, the earth mother, and Lucas, the sky father, were both our group leaders. i was the jest (aka village idiot)...(there were 11 of us total)...we had the alchemist, the magician, the sibyll, the old wise man, the huntress, the nibble (don't ask), the story teller, the maiden (and we also had "the maiden no more")...i can't remember any more of them, but they were really funny. i told everyone that we were starting a Utopian community, so we all adressed one another by saying "brother/sister", and addressed our leaders by calling them "father lucas" and mother becca". when the leaders cooked for us, we would say "thank you father lucas for being the great provider". since we were not allowed to have watches and stuff, the earth mother, becca, doubled as the "keeper of time" because she was the only one with a watch. i have to say that it was one of the funniest times i have had in a while~ i really liked everyone b/c i felt that they appreciated my jest. we played "warm and fuzzies" the last night (not to be mistaked with "soggy biscuit"), where we all went in a circle and said nice things about one another. it felt really good, and its nice to know that i have a nice support of friends to lay back on.

the freshman fling ended up being really fun. i met up with some people from my harvest trip, and those people had friends and so i met those friends and we created a huge orgy of friendship. i am really psyked about this year. yalies rock!! one of the best parts is the conversations we come up with...and we don't feel that dorky b/c we aren't dorks. one of the girls in my harvest group had a perfect SAT score, and for that, i realized that the admissions committee looks for more than academics, because everyone was soo smart and soo rad.

Yeah. so thats all i had to say. but i am LOVING college you guys. i'll try to update...

so listen to this: my roomie, ESPN puked and fell asleep on the bathroom floor.

but we are slowly checking off all the college experiences each day;
1) being sexiled
2) watching a roomie get it on from a secret, live webcam
3) smoking from a huge a bong
4) drunk roommates
5) parties busted by cops

each day...i will have another thing to add to my list-o-things-to-do.

au revoir!

**Sportcenter's dad used to write for a popular TV and now writes for another show on CBS and was kissed by someone hottt
**Juvey's dad is a rich jew...yeah. another one. he goes all over the world on yale speaking about stupid stuff...he's a pulmonary cardiologist.
**ESPN's parents are from North Carolina.