A Letter of Disdain

This is from our custodian (aka our slave) to us:

To the guys on this floor.

You can't leave your personal items in the shower, nor in the bathroom unless you have your personal items in the bins.

Please cooperate with your custodian, she is only doing her job. The custodian has nothing personal against you, there are rules to go by and we have to follow the rules also intructions given to us by our supervisor.

If you don't cooperate with your custodian then our supervisor will send me over here to remove your personal items and bring it to his office.

My name is Willa and i have no problem removing your personal items. So if your personal items is remove don't get angry with your custodian, get angry with me because i will do what my supervisor says do. If you want to speak to me I'm in entry way C of Bingham.

Thank you for your cooperation, also for understand. May god richly bless you.

Sincerely your assistant,

Custodian Willa

PS I'm the shoe lady! I took your shoes and I will take your personal items to our supervisor's office.

*END*

So, being the Yalie that i am, i couldn't help but pick out the grammatical errors:

1) "You can't leave your personal items...nor in the bathroom" - double negative
2) "...there are rules to go by" - dangling preposition
3) "...we have to follow the rules also intructions given to us..." - missing conjuction
4) "so if your personal items is..." - verb/noun agreement
5) "if your personal items is remove don't get..." - wrong tense
6) "...i will do what my supervisor says do." - missing infinitive
7) "...for your cooperation, also for understand." - ?? it just sounds wrong

FINAL GRADE: -C, some credit was given for a comprehensive level literacy and writing ability. please see me after class, or see your writing tutor.

The finishing touch on her letter was: "I'M THE SHOE LADY!! I TOOK YOUR SHOES AND I WILL TAKE YOUR PERSONAL ITEMS..." what she left out of her letter, however, was:

"I WILL TAKE YOUR PERSONAL ITEMS (BECAUSE MY BABY DADDIES LEFT ME WITH 4 KIDS AND A CARDBOARD BOX, AND WE NEED SOAP FOR DINNER AND FOR WASHING OUR CLOTHES IN THE NEW HAVEN MUD PUDDLES)..."

anyway, our room never had its shoes stolen. that was another room upstairs. secondly, i stole the dumb bitch's broom...and i'm leaving a note on our door that says:

"P.S. I'M THE BROOM MAN!!"

anyway, i'm out...it's clubbin in NYC tonite.

-The Broom Man-