quit monkeyin' around!
yo yo yo.
last nite's events were quite eventful, and well worth the write.
soo...mattack steals (you damn klepto!) the "Safety Dance" Monkey/Gorilla that was hanging on the Cross Campus gate for Nate, since nate gets whatever her wants.
unfortunately, however, the saftey dance monkey wasn't so safe after it began emitting mold spores that overpowered the freshness of B-32's newly introduced "Mango Papaya" air freshener...it was quite a "duel of the fates" if you will. therefore, we established that the monkey must be disposed of.
BUT HEY! why get rid of a full grown monkey when you can tie a string to it and dangle it from your window so that the floor below you thinks that the monkey is attacking the room?
so i was supposed to bring string when i went to watch "Best of Show" in mattack and nate's room, but i (woe!) forgot...and thus we were forced to harness the monkey using (obviously) dental floss and duct tape. because of the abuse required in procuring the monkey, there was a rip in its leg that caused its white, styrofoamy innerds to splash everywhere...So, mattack and i had to ER that leg with some duct tape before letting it out into the wild. we also decided to ravage it with scissors, red-sharpies for blood, black/blue sharpies for bruises, in order to make a scene and scare all the other monkeys out there from ever wanting to hang from a gate. it was cute until nate drew a phallus on the monkeys mouth. (ave maria...)
after it completed its initial preparation, mattack and i stuffed out the window like winnie the pooh stuck in the rabbit whole, and nate slowly lowers the harnessed monkey, and mattack and i run downstrairs to find the girls screaming "WHAT THE FUCK IS tHAT?!?!?!?!?!?"
nate, then, drops the monkey, and it lands on its back, like a piece of road kill. tor runs upstairs to ask "DID YOU SEE THE MONKEY THAT JUST FELL?!?!"
pah~ did we see it? you bet we did.
as i left the lanman-wright premises to make a pilgrimage back to the illustrious Vanderbilt Hall, i see, over in the trashcan, NONE OTHER THAN the Safety Dance Monkey himself, stuffed head first into the Vanderbilt trashcan with the white "innerds" surrounding.
"WHAT THE FUCK. the monkey is coming to get me!!"
i come to find out that russ stole it on the way back from A-one with a friend. he and his friend tried to throw it up to the v-suite window, thinking that someone would see it and freak out through the window...BUT, the leg mattack and i so tirelessly tried to save, broke and c-stains (aka semen stains) got everywhere...and made a HUGE mess.
i guess, this story gives meaning to the quote, "what goes around, comes around" and it taught me one important lesson:
"it's all fun and games until someone loses an eye"
and one other lesson that goes:
"5 little monkeys jumpin on a bed, one fell off and broke his head..."
anyway, i am sleepy and have shit loads of reading.
last nite's events were quite eventful, and well worth the write.
soo...mattack steals (you damn klepto!) the "Safety Dance" Monkey/Gorilla that was hanging on the Cross Campus gate for Nate, since nate gets whatever her wants.
unfortunately, however, the saftey dance monkey wasn't so safe after it began emitting mold spores that overpowered the freshness of B-32's newly introduced "Mango Papaya" air freshener...it was quite a "duel of the fates" if you will. therefore, we established that the monkey must be disposed of.
BUT HEY! why get rid of a full grown monkey when you can tie a string to it and dangle it from your window so that the floor below you thinks that the monkey is attacking the room?
so i was supposed to bring string when i went to watch "Best of Show" in mattack and nate's room, but i (woe!) forgot...and thus we were forced to harness the monkey using (obviously) dental floss and duct tape. because of the abuse required in procuring the monkey, there was a rip in its leg that caused its white, styrofoamy innerds to splash everywhere...So, mattack and i had to ER that leg with some duct tape before letting it out into the wild. we also decided to ravage it with scissors, red-sharpies for blood, black/blue sharpies for bruises, in order to make a scene and scare all the other monkeys out there from ever wanting to hang from a gate. it was cute until nate drew a phallus on the monkeys mouth. (ave maria...)
after it completed its initial preparation, mattack and i stuffed out the window like winnie the pooh stuck in the rabbit whole, and nate slowly lowers the harnessed monkey, and mattack and i run downstrairs to find the girls screaming "WHAT THE FUCK IS tHAT?!?!?!?!?!?"
nate, then, drops the monkey, and it lands on its back, like a piece of road kill. tor runs upstairs to ask "DID YOU SEE THE MONKEY THAT JUST FELL?!?!"
pah~ did we see it? you bet we did.
as i left the lanman-wright premises to make a pilgrimage back to the illustrious Vanderbilt Hall, i see, over in the trashcan, NONE OTHER THAN the Safety Dance Monkey himself, stuffed head first into the Vanderbilt trashcan with the white "innerds" surrounding.
"WHAT THE FUCK. the monkey is coming to get me!!"
i come to find out that russ stole it on the way back from A-one with a friend. he and his friend tried to throw it up to the v-suite window, thinking that someone would see it and freak out through the window...BUT, the leg mattack and i so tirelessly tried to save, broke and c-stains (aka semen stains) got everywhere...and made a HUGE mess.
i guess, this story gives meaning to the quote, "what goes around, comes around" and it taught me one important lesson:
"it's all fun and games until someone loses an eye"
and one other lesson that goes:
"5 little monkeys jumpin on a bed, one fell off and broke his head..."
anyway, i am sleepy and have shit loads of reading.
posted by Joe @ 12:06 PM
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